BETA LEAGUE INFINITE EPISODE 1

Subject: BETA LEAGUE INFINITE EPISODE 1 January 13th 2021, 6:02 pm

"It's not about the number of the times you get knocked down, it's about when you get back up and grab those opportunities. You don't need to be the Omega to stand out, we're Betas and we are fine with that. For to deny your identity is like a killing a part of yourself and we are Infinite."

Now, Beta League brings to you from Baltimore, Maryland, the flagship show's inaugural episode... THIS IS INFINITE.......

STEW-E: BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOMBOBMBOBMBOBMOBOM, PYRO BLASTS INTO THE ROOF AS NON-SOCIALLY DISTANT FANS SCREECH FROM THE PIT OF THEIR LUNGS. WELCOMEEEEEEEEEEEEE TO BETA LEAGUE'S INFINITE!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'RE LIVE FROM BALTIMORE, MARYLAND AND AS YOU CAN SEE, THE ARENA IS PACKED TONIGHT!!! THE ONE PLACE IN THE WORLD WHERE COVID-19 DOESN'T EXIST.

HARDCORE HARRY: DAMN STRAIGHT SON, WE DON'T BELIEVE IN NONE OF THAT NEW WORLD ORDER SHIT HERE. IF YOU'RE 'POSITIVE' THEN YOU'VE BEEN COMPROMISED BY THE GOVERNMENT. WHAT THESE FOLK DON'T KNOW IS THAT PRIOR TO THE EVENT, WE TEST OUR STAFF TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE CLEAR. AND IF THEY'RE COVID POSITIVE, SHOWING SIGNS OF SICKNESS, OR EVEN HOMOSEXUAL - WE HAVE A SPECIAL PERMIT TO SHOOT ON SIGHT. I LOVE MY AMERICA-

STEW-E: OK THERE HARRY, YOU'RE A RIOT WITH YOUR JOKES! WE HAVE OUR FIRST SHOW OF THE YEAR, LET'S FOCUS ON THE MEN AND WOMEN THAT ARE HERE TONIGHT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DO WE HAVE A SHOW FOR YOU OR WHAT? WE'RE GOING TO CROWN OUR FIRST EVER BETA WORLD CHAMPION, AS WE SEE RONALD MCDONALD SQUARE UP AGAINST A VETERAN OF THIS SPORT, PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING'S VERY OWN GANGREL!

HARDCORE HARRY: NOT OUTTA CHOICE, I GOTTA SAY. APPARENTLY IT'S OBLIGATORY TO HIRE GANGREL TO WRESTLE FOR YOU IF YOU'RE A SMALL PROMOTION. WE WANTED THE SANDMAN, TOMMY DREAMER, SABU, MASATO TANAKA. I HOPE THE PASTY ASS PENNYWISE KNOCKS A TOOTH OUT OF THAT VAMPIRE'S MOUTH. I'M A GOD FEARING SON OF A CATHOLIC AND THESE VAMPIRES ARE A WORK OF EVIL, WHY WE ARE PAYING THEM AND INVITING THEM INTO OUR NEW HOME IS BEYOND ME. CHEER ME UP STEW-E.

STEW-E: THE RUMORS HAVE GONE AROUND AND THEY HAVE FINALLY... FINALLY!!!! BEEN CONFIRMED, DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING IS IN FACT ALIVE. HE WAS IN CRYO-SLEEP ALL OF THIS TIME AND HIDING IN WAKANDA AND NOW HE'S BACK WITH A MISSION, AND HE GOES UP AGAINST ANOTHER PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER FROM ALL ELITE WRESTLING.. DR LUTHER... IN A EXTREME RULES LOSER LOSES THEIR DOCTORATE MATCH.

HARDCORE HARRY: ALIVE!!!???? WHAT!!???? HOW THE FUCK????? NORMBRTB RBRLLMBRELB BRTMLRTMGL, I TOLD MY WIFE THAT WE COULDN'T TRUST THAT SHADY PREACHER AND I WAS RIGHT. AND SHE JUST SAID I WAS A RACIST? YEAH, WELL SHE CAN KISS MY PROUD CONFEDERATE ASS AND ADMIT I WAS RIGHT. DAMN, WELL WHAT A BOZO THIS DR. KING IS. HE'S COME BACK TO LIFE TO CHOOSE DEATH, AGAINST A JAPANESE DEATHMATCH LEGEND, THE ORIGINAL DEATH DEALER HIMSELF, DR LUTHER. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THERE WILL BE NO BLADING HERE, THESE GUYS ARE GENUINELY GOING TO MURDER EACH OTHER.

(An acoustic version of the Pedobear song plays through the speakers as fans jeer. This song is available on iTunes for $4.99 and all money will go to R. Kelly's defense attorney bills. Out comes The Pedo Bear, The Audio Profit (Velveteen Dream picbase) as he is showered with jeers and homophobic slurs as he gyrates his hips on the entrance stage to incense them further.)

HARDCORE HARRY: WHAT IS THIS COONERY, HE'S TRYING SO HARD TO FIT IN THAT HE'S PROUDLY CONFESSING TO HIS WHITE MAN CRIMES. EP-STEIN, WEIN-STEIN, JOHN STEIN-BECK, ALL OF THEM WERE PIECES OF TRASH AND THIS PETER PAN NONCE IS NO BETTER. THIS GUY SHOULD BE WEARING A SHOCK COLLAR NOT A PANDORA BRACELET, IF I WERE 20 YEARS YOUNGER- FUCK IT, I'D SMASH HIS FACE IN RIGHT NOW.

STEW-E: THE AUDIO PROFIT IS CERTAINLY A CONTROVERSIAL FIGURE BUT WE AREN'T ALLOWED TO CALL HIM ANY NAMES THAT DEFAME HIS CHARACTER. HE'S WORKED VERY HARD AND MADE GOOD FRIENDS WITH THE BOARD TO GET IN HIS POSITION OF POWER. JUST TURN A BLIND EYE HARRY.

HARDCORE HARRY: BLIND EYE??? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS FUCKED UP WORLD? THIS MAN IS PROUDLY STRUTTING TO THE RING WITH A PEP IN HIS STEP ADMITTING THAT HE LIKES CHILDREN. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU STEW? YOU'RE CONDONING THIS???

STEW-E: I'M NOT CONDONING ANYTHING BUT I QUITE LIKE MY JOB AND I'M NOT GOING TO SAY SOMETHING THAT GETS ME FIRED. I ACCIDENTALLY PARKED IN MR POPOPO'S SPOT AND HE NEARLY FIRED ME ON THE SPOT. ANYWAY, IT'S TIME FOR HIS OPPONENT TO COME OUT.... AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK

____________________________________________

Part 2 soon.

COMING NEXT: THE AUDIO PROFIT TAKES ON LOCAL SUPERSTAR, COREY RANDALL IN SINGLES COMPETITION & THE AUDIO PROFIT GIVES HIMSELF A 'GIFT' THAT SOMEBODY ELSE ON THE ROSTER THINKS THEY DESERVE IT MORE