“Clash of the Titans… there isn’t a more fitting name to describe this kind of match, is there? Where a truly massive portion of the OWA roster comes head-to-head with one another, all for the sake of earning an opportunity to fight for the championship of their choosing. Thirty men, fifteen women, and only two winners. All of whom are willing to do everything in their power to survive and preserve themselves… in the hope that they’ll earn a chance to finally make a name for themselves. All they have to do… is survive. Nothing more, nothing less. Survive, and you’ll be given a chance to write your names into the history books. Unfortunately, that is much easier said than done. Especially when you don’t have allies to assist you. By that point, you’re forced to rely on nothing but your stamina and intelligence. You must choose your battles carefully and pace yourself, because you’re going to run the risk of being placed in an unwinnable situation if you don’t. Only a fool would try to attack the biggest and strongest opponent in the ring, or expend all of their energy in the beginning of the match. Only someone with a healthy amount of tactical knowledge… will be able to survive in this battlefield.”
 
“A battlefield that The Void will dominate and control.”
 
“Let’s ignore the fact that we possess a numerical advantage over the vast majority of this match’s competitors… with one exception that I’ll eventually discuss. Eris is one of the most dominant competitors in ALL of Odyssey right now, don’t allow her loss to Azumi Goto distract you from the fact that she’s beaten some of the best wrestlers on the entire brand… that includes the current OWA Goddesses Champion. April Song is a formidable competitor, despite all of her flaws, she’s continually proven herself to be a dangerous opponent… one who relies on her quick-thinking and exceptional abilities as a striker to get the job done. However, as she herself acknowledged, this isn’t a match that plays to her strengths. She isn’t very strong and lacks speed, very unfortunate… considering the fact that her size would’ve allowed her to benefit from being quicker on her feet. Admittedly, this shouldn’t pose too much of a problem for her… unless she’s stuck in the ring with me or Lady Eris… then things are going to be a little tricky. Also, as a word of advice, I would strongly recommend that you don’t make the mistake of underestimating my intelligence, April. I can assure you that just because I’m bigger than most of my opponents, doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m dumber than most of them either. Lady Eris didn’t choose me to become her disciple just because of my size and strength. I have much, much more to offer as a member of The Void. Perhaps in this match, you’ll be able to learn that from first-hand experience.”
 
“Next, let’s talk about Diantha Moreau, a competitor who believes that she’s finally gotten on the right track and seeks to make a name for herself. Of course, there isn’t a better opportunity to do that…  than by winning the Clash of the Titans match. You possess an intense desire to prove yourself and craft your own legacy, but you’re lacking any of the attributes that would allow you to pose a significant threat in this kind of match. Although, nobody can question your heart and desire to succeed. You want nothing more than to prove the people who constantly doubt you, and think that you’re not as good as your brother… that they’re completely wrong. I find that to be admirable. You want people to acknowledge you as a legitimate competitor. That you’re something much greater than the role that’s been placed upon you by the public consciousness. I think many of us, including myself and the rest of The Void… share this sentiment, even if we’re not always willing to admit that. Personally, I joined The Void to fulfill the innate desire that all humans possess… the desire to find some kind of purpose for ourselves. Lady Eris sympathized with me, and sympathized with my desire to become something special. The Void isn’t about believing that we’re better than everyone else, or destroying everyone else. It is about making Odyssey better and getting rid of people like Natalie Cage and The Dollhouse. They are the individuals who taint this brand with their arrogance and superiority complexes, not us. Those are the same people who expect us all to bow down and kiss their feet. Beyond that, we’re only interested in being successful… just like everyone else on this brand. I fail to understand where the perception that we’re some kind of “boogeyman entity” comes from. At the end of the day, we’re not that different from the rest of you, the only difference being that we’re a unified force… and most of you aren’t. I assure you that our intentions are genuinely noble, even if our methods can a little harsh. Nonetheless, you possess a great deal of determination Diantha… but your lack of technical ability and physical strength will inevitably betray you in the end, I’m afraid.”
 
“Moving on from her, there’s La Llorona. The first person in this match that I’ll be discussing who allows their own ignorance to shine through and completely shroud their ability to look at the bigger picture, although she certainly won’t be the last. You sit there and point out the fact that both I and Artemis have been rather unsuccessful in singles competition, even though that clearly isn’t why we’re here. You can keep running your mouth off about the fact that we don’t contribute anything to The Void all you want, even though you ignore the fact that I’m not here for myself… I’m here for The Void. Whether or not I continue to lose matches as a singles competitor is completely irrelevant. I’m here to assist Lady Eris and serve as a member of The Void and that’s it. In what way does my ability to win a singles match further The Void’s interests in any way, shape, or form? People like you are only interested in how many wins that I have, but neglect to understand my worth to the group itself, or the quality of my opponents for that matter. I’ve fought against April, Roni and Natalie Cage… and put up a strong effort in every single one of those matches. Mind you… I’m only talking about myself when I say that. Let’s not even try to delve into Eris’ own accomplishments, shall we? Do us a favor and keep your mouth shut, if the only thing that you’re going to end up accomplishing in this match is making yourself look like an absolute fool by trying to make us sound like we aren’t a legitimate threat.”
 
“Christie… I’m happy to inform that you don’t actually have a target on your back, probably because that would mean that everyone else in this match thinks that you’re a serious threat… which we don’t… and you aren’t. Don’t get me wrong, you are a capable wrestler… probably. Well, you definitely possess more of a size advantage that some of the other competitors in this match, but that’s essentially the only thing that you’ve got as an advantage over some of the wrestlers in this match. So if I were you, I’d hope that when the day finally comes, you’ll be a little luckier than some of the other competitors in this match may be.”
 
“As for Alyssa Grace… well, what can I say about her? She’s certainly one of the most interesting competitors in this match, I can’t deny that. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that she has the potential to be one of the most dangerous people here, since we don’t know anything about her and haven’t seen too much of her abilities inside a wrestling ring. Besides, of course, a victory over La Llorona. An unpredictable element that’s been inserted into an already unpredictable match. So in that case, I’ll refrain from making an early judgement call and keep my eyes out for her in the Clash of the Titans match itself. However, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t express a bit of an interest in her and her abilities, we certainly could use another ally to rally behind The Void’s cause. Regardless of my interest, don’t think that I’ll be turning a blind eye from you, Alyssa. Get in my way, Artemis’ way, or Lady Eris’ way and I will throw you out. Keep that in mind.
 
“Roni, you are undeniably… one of THE biggest threats in this entire match to The Void’s success, more-so than anyone else that I’ve mentioned up to this point with the sole exception being the current OWA Goddesses Champion herself. Rather fitting, isn’t it? Especially when you consider the fact that you were the person who’d held the championship previously… until you ultimately lost it to April Song, of course. Don’t worry though, I won’t be making the mistake of assuming that you aren’t a dangerous competitor despite that loss, far from it. I’m well-aware of the fact that you’re an exceptional fighter, and I know that you’ll claw and scratch your way to winning the whole match if we’re not careful. A young talent with your level of determination isn’t someone to ignore. While I hold no negative feelings towards you, and share your intense hatred of The Dollhouse… don’t think that I will allow that to cloud my judgement. We might be working with each other for a little while, but don’t expect that to last. I don’t plan on allowing your luck to save you from elimination.”
 
“Last, but certainly not least… we get to The Dollhouse. It’s hard to believe that it’s taken this long for us to finally meet in the middle of a wrestling ring. The two largest and most powerful groups on Odyssey, and we’re only starting to cross paths now. We’re starting to re-establish ourselves as a legitimate force for change on Odyssey, while you’re all busy trying to deny an undeniable truth. Your time is up, and our time is now. It’s hard to believe, but there was a point in time when you were practically running Odyssey, now you’re barely able to maintain the last shreds of your relevancy. People are finally starting to realize the same thing that we’ve always known about you three, would you like to know what that is? In order for Odyssey to improve, we need to get rid of people like you. For months, you’ve pranced around and surrounded yourselves in this illusion that everyone adores you. That everyone thinks you’re so great. Now that you’ve lost the Openweight Tag Team Championships… that illusion is slowly starting to crack, isn’t it? You can keep pretending that everything’s fine and that everyone else still isn’t as great as you all are, but at this point… you’re just ignoring the truth, even when it’s standing right in front of your fake plastic faces. We’re all tired of you and your constant spouting of how you’re “representative” of what a woman should aspire to be. It’s pure, utter garbage. You three are only “representative” of everything that a woman shouldn’t be. Your vanity, arrogance and sheer ignorance have doomed you three to fail a very long time ago. I regret that your downfall didn’t come quicker, if only because The Void would’ve risen quicker too...”
 
“I hear your pleas, Lady Eris…”
 
“I can promise you… that The Void WILL rise up and cleanse the OWA of all this impurity and cruelty...”
 
“United we stand, divided you will fall…”
 
“The battlefield will be littered with bodies… and only three of us shall remain… among the blood… and the carnage…“
 
“There will only be…”
 
“THE VOID...”

The scene opens up far away from any civilization.  We’re deep inside the backwoods of North Carolina now, surrounded by miles and miles of trees.  The harsh wind whips away at the barren limbs and the sound of wildlife can be heard from all around us, whether it’s birds chirping, insects buzzing about, or the rustling of leaves from any deer that happen to be roaming the area.  Speaking of which, just then the camera turns as the loud crunch of leaves can be heard alarmingly close to us.  We wait as we expect to see the majestic woodland creature emerge through the brush...but instead we ‘re treated to a large Rottweiler happily pouncing through the branches, followed closely by her owner...Jeff X.  The former Spartans Champion is dressed in his usual worn-out Levi’s and work boots, but he’s come prepared for the chilly conditions with his light green Carhartt jacket zipped all the way up and the hood drawn over his camouflage Realtree hat.  In his right hand, he carries a tall 24 oz. can of Bud Light, which he lightly sips...and in the other, he wields a machete as he slashes away at the twigs and branches in his path.  Judging by the scenery, you would assume anybody that was out this deep in the woods would have to be lost, but the expression on Jeff’s face is eerily calm...actually calmer than we’ve seen him all week.  He looks almost at peace ripping his way through the brush and you get the sense that he knows exactly where he’s headed.  Eventually he emerges into a small clearing where a tiny creek trickles by and the dog stops to take a drink from it.  Jeff smiles down at her, as if admiring her innocence and takes a seat on a nearby stump.


“That’s ok girl.  Go on and take a break.”

Jeff stabs the machete fiercely into the dirt and reaches into his coat pocket for his pack of cigarettes.  He quickly lights one of the Marlboros up as the dog sniffs around curiously.  Jeff’s eyes remain following her, but that all too familiar southern accent of his is now directed straight at us.

“It’s nice to be out here again.  Deep out in the woods of my hometown.  It’s peaceful.  No man-made distractions to be found.  No traffic, no noise, no polluted air.  At night, there’s nowhere in the world where the stars shine brighter than right here...far, far away from any city lights.  I like to come here whenever life starts to get too noisy...and lately it has been fucking deafening.  For two week long weeks now, we’ve been hearing the back and forth from thirty different men all trying to convince the world that they will be the one who successfully emerges from the Clash of the Titans match with the victory.  However...not all words are created equal.  There’s been many boasts made this week...many promises sworn and gameplans mapped out...but the truth is that at least half of these ‘predictions’...the people who made them don’t even believe it.  Yes, everyone here certainly has a sizeable ego...and we’ve all been highly trained or else we wouldn’t be in this position in the first place, so confidence shouldn’t be lacking for anyone...but still...the Clash...it’s as unpredictable a match as there is.  One false move...one misstep...one instance of bad timing...and that’s all it can take for your dreams of headlining Final Destination to come to a sudden end.  This match is about the farthest thing from a sure win as you can get in this industry.  And these competitors...most of them anyway...they’re not stupid.  They’re every bit as aware of that as I am.  So why then are all of these bold proclamations flying from the lips of seemingly everyone that’s ever stepped foot inside a wrestling ring?  The answer is quite simple.  You see, as important as it is to have a gifted in-ring skill set...that’s only half the battle.  Because in a match like this...the war actually begins weeks earlier...when everyone gets in front of these cameras and tries to gain any kind of advantage that they possibly can.  They antagonize and threaten, insult and doubt one another as they play whatever mind games that they can to poke holes in one another’s psyche...and there, perhaps, is none better at it than Moongoose McQueen.”


Jeff pauses to take another drag from his smoke as well as a sip from the impressive can.


“At first I thought that Moongoose wouldn’t take this match so seriously given his status as the God of War.  I...like so many others before me, was foolish enough to fall for the sarcastic nature and witty remarks that he’s become synonymous with.  I failed to look at exactly why he became the God of War in the first place.  It’s no secret that I’ve been a longtime fan of McQueen's.  While others are quick to discount him as a novelty act, I’ve advocated for him to get the credit that he’s earned.  Many other less deserving competitors have been given opportunity after opportunity over the years while McQueen gets continuuously relegated to the sidelines.  I’ve stated before that  the injustice he’s had to endure in his time in this company have been completely unfair....and yet here I was...doing the exact same thing that management has been doing for years.  And truthfully...it was going to be my downfall.  I nearly fell into the trap that Moongoose had carefully laid out for me and underestimating him would have ultimately cost me my opportunity to headline Final Destination.  But I see now why McQueen has had such a long and successful career, despite never really having the support of anyone backstage.  My eyes have been opened now and I realize that Moongoose wants this win every bit as much as I do.  He wants to have that moment in the sun...that moment he’s long deserved...competing for the World Championship in the main event of Final Destination.  And he can have it...he has the medallion.  He can use it whenever he sees fit.  But he doesn’t want to take any chances...no interference from a third party...no being upstaged by the winner of the Clash.  He wants it all...and he deserves it.  But unfortunately Moongoose...so do I.  I’ve toiled away in this company for two long years and much like yourself I’ve never been handed a damn thing. I have taken every last thing that I’ve wanted.  And the next thing on that list...is the main event of Final Destination.  And I’m going get it, even if I have to go through all twenty nine of my opponents at once.  Whether they’re brand new to the scene or every bit as deserving as I am...they will all fall the same.  The only saving grace for you McQueen, is that you do indeed have the opportunity to turn my title shot into a triple threat match...and honestly...I hope you do.  Nothing would honor me more than to be able to share the main event with you and have us both finally get what we’ve long since been due.  However, just know that if you do that...you will have to settle for merely being in the main event of the greatest show of all time...for that title is coming home with me...it’s sad to say...but the OWA World Title is much like a Clash victory Moongoose….it will always elude you.”


Jeff once again takes a drink from the can, all while chasing it with another long drag from his smoke.


“But while people like Goose may excel with their mind games...other lack the tact for it.  Carlos Rosso comes to mind.  A man who tries to act as if he doesn’t let his emotions get the better of him but spends fifteen minutes yelling into the camera like a spoiled child that didn’t get what he wanted for Christmas.  It seems I’ve found myself on Mr. Rosso’s bad side once again.”


Jeff simply shrugs and chuckles a bit.


“Oh dear...whatever will I do.  Carlos you seem to have everyone on your shitlist lately...and you yell and you make your idle threats...but nothing ever happens to them, does it?  You vowed to remove the Spartans Championship from my grasp and you failed miserably.  Now you think you’re going to win the Clash?  Please...if you were actually any good you wouldn’t even need to be in this match.  You’d have found a way to beat Kenny Drake and it would have been you facing Aria Jaxon for the title at Hardcore Havoc….but you failed there too.  Oh well...at least you represented Kingdom well at Civil War, giving our brand a clean sweep for the night...oh wait...you dropped the fucking ball there too.  Come to think of it...have you actually done anything at all successful over the course of the last decade?  Sure you allegedly  won a dozen world titles in your career...but it happened before the television was invented, so did anybody even see it to verify?  And even if this is all true...what have you done lately?  All that means is that you’ve turned what was once a great career into a fucking joke.  Things have gotten so bad that it took Keelan fucking Callihan of all people to step in and make you look even remotely competent.  And if you don’t think he’s the main player in that little unit of your Carlos...answer me this...what is he doing this weekend?  He hasn’t won anything more than you lately so why is he the one with the title opportunity and not you?  Because much like everyone else in this company Carlos...he’s better than you.  I do hope that you follow through with your little plan to target me though...as a matter of fact, I welcome it.  And bring that little puppet master of yours, Oasis, with you too.  Nothing will please me more than to finally rid this company of two relics who’s best years have long since past.  As a matter of fact...instead of ya’ll risking throwing your hips out of place, why don’t you two instead go do something actually useful for this company and go dig up the Challenge Cup tapes.  I heard the OWA Network is still waiting to upload those things.”

Jeff lets the cigarette fall to the dirt where he crushes it under his boot.  He takes another swig from the can and presses on.

“But we now drift from old and washed up to young and naive...The Maverick.  A promising young talent...but a foolish one.  I really don’t know him all that well, but I learned all I needed to know just hearing his words this week.  Not so much about me...all he really had to say there was that he’s butthurt I didn’t mention him more.  Well let me correct that right now, ok Mav?  You stand absolutely no chance of winning this thing.  And I know that because you’ve let your victories in lesser companies heighten your own self-value despite the fact that you know absolutely nothing about your competition or who your stepping into the ring with this weekend...and that was never more obvious than hearing you talk about Nate Cage.  Look...I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t stand that man either.  I’ve gone head to head with him more times than I can count and we’ve both left each other shattered, broken, bloody and bruised on numerous occasions.  I hate Nate Cage with every fiber of my being and that’s not new knowledge to anyone who’s kept up with OWA over the last two years...but Mav...I can promise you...YOU aren’t ready for Nate Cage.  I don’t even have to do a thing to you this weekend Maverick.  If you enter that ring with the mindset that you have towards the self-proclaimed “Devil”...he’s going to hurt you.  He’s going to make it impossible for you to walk out of that arena...let alone throw anybody over the top rope.  But don’t take my word for it.  Try him yourself.  I’m going to...but then again...I’m better than you.  I’m smarter and more experienced than you.  I know Nate better than anyone this side of Kenny Drake.  Cage is a sadistic, chaotic man who lacks any semblance of emotion, but is as intelligent a competitor as there is in this company.  Weird...it’s almost as if I’ve grown a certain professional respect for the man…”


Jeff looks lost in thought for a split second before he snaps out of it and shakes his head.

“...nah...actually...fuck Nate Cage.”

Jeff’s nods...clearly more comfortable saying that than ever singing the praises of his most hated rival.  He decides to wash out the taste of any compliments he may have given him with quite a few large gulps of cold Bud Light before continuing

“And then there’s Sabertooth...the man who just won’t stop trying to play his games with the rest of us this week...the problem is...the only thing that he’s playing is himself.  He continuously has gotten in front of a camera all week long and shouted the exact same things over and over and over again.  Trying to convince us that he’s somehow somebody new...this ‘Havoc’...and not just Chris Sabertooth going through that weird rebellious ‘Hot Topic’ phase about ten years later than normal.  Apparently I’m starting to get under his skin bringing up the fact that I defeated him back at Boiling Point...I’m not sure why.  He should be used to that by now.  After all...anytime he talks to anybody, all they do is bring up that fact that they beat him.  Because everybody has.  And if he doesn’t like that maybe he should actually fucking step up and succeed at something for once in his pathetic excuse for an existence.  Or at least man up and take the blame for your failures.  Stop blaming it on other people like Udy, Nas, Miltiades...or even yourself pretending as if that’s somehow another person too.  You did this to yourself.  You did it because you’re not talented enough for the stage that you consistently ask to get put on.  And you know what Chris?  THAT is why we’re not friends anymore.  It’s not because you betrayed Nas at Civil War...nah...I don’t give a fuck about Nas.  The man parades around here falsely calling himself the Best Wrestler Alive when that title belongs to me and me alone.  So it ain’t about him or whatever weird obsession you have with him.  No it goes back way earlier than that.  All the way  back to that Boiling Point match...you know the one?  The one that you challenged me to and I gave you yet another opportunity that you didn’t deserve?  The one that you’re newfound buddies decided to insert Udy and Miltiades in...even though you’re now blaming that on me like I somehow make the matches around here.  Entering that match I truly thought you were my equal...I was excited for the test...for the competition...but it turns out you weren’t any of that.  You were just another overhyped and overmatched talent coasting off ending Gareth Cason’s Television title reign.  For those that don’t remember, Chris was indeed the TV Champion.  It’s understandable if you’re having trouble recollecting though...if you fell asleep for twenty minutes, you’d have missed the whole reign.  And you’re still coasting off that one win today, aren’t you Chris?  That..that’s why we’re not friends anymore.  I’m not going to let myself be brought down by someone so wildly content with mediocrity and only having one shining moment in their career.  That’s not me.  I actually have bigger ambitions.  And one of them comes to fruition this weekend when I once again beat your ass like the lifetime loser that you truly are.”

Jeff relaxes his tone a  bit as his voice was beginning to rise.  He lights up another smoke to calm his nerves

“But enough about Chris...let’s move on to yet another person who’s beaten him before...Aria Jaxon.  Still no word from the Queen of OWA.  I’m sure she’s going to do her usual thing and wait until ten minutes before the show starts to bombard us with every reason why she’s going to succeed...but this time...I don’t even think she’s going to buy into it.  It’s a shame too.  For someone who may be the best in-ring performer in the world today...that edge has gone since losing her title and she has no idea how to get it back.  And while her fire has been snuffed out, mine burns brighter than it ever has before and once she’s taken care of...I’ll be able to turn my attention to the man I pinned at the first Final Destination...Layne Kurobane....”

Just then Jeff’s phone goes off.  He scrambles into his pocket and answers it.


“Hello.  What?  Yeah I can talk.  This promo’s starting to run a little long anyway.”


Jeff motions to the camera man to end the feed and goes back to his conversation.

“What’s up?  Yeah I’ll probably check it out after I win the Clash.  Seriously?  Who do I think's gonna win?  Don't be stupid.  Chiefs are obviously losing by thirty.”

@apparentlyKyle

MATTEL AND NATE CAGE PRESENT OWA: THE RPG


It’s game night. A rambunctious group of teenagers gather around their Dungeon Master, eager to know about the exciting new RPG he’s found.
 
Fat kid: So, what’s this book you’ve found?
 
Ugly kid: Yeah, spill the beans! I may only have one nut but that doesn’t mean I can wait forever!
 
Asian kid: Come on!
 
DM: Alright, alright, calm down guys. I don’t know where the hell this came from, I searched online but couldn’t find a copy anywhere…
 
The kid produces a leather bound book with “OWA: Clash of the Titans, A New RPG by Nathaniel Cage” written on the front.
 
Ugly kid: Woah, that looks fancy, where did you get it?
 
DM: Uhh, I found it at a swap meet.
 
Asian kid: No shit? Whose house?
 
DM: I dunno, she was called Aria or something, real ugly bitch with weird hair. Anyway, it’s a pretty simple system, d20 is all we need. It also came with some pre-gen characters and the scenario’s already set so we can jump right in and play!
 
Fat kid: Yeah!
 
Ugly kid: Let’s do it!
 
A couple of hours have passed. The kids are intently sitting around the table, enjoying pizza and Pepsi, looking cautious about their next move.
 
DM: Okay, so you made it through the haunted lettuce patch after Kyle the Farmer misled you. That But old man Carlos is still lurking about.
 
Ugly kid: This guy’s been on our asses the whole time! What does the book say about him?
 
DM: All I know is he’s old and senile but really good at punching things. Now, do you guys wanna roll for initiative or…
 
Asian kid: Hang on, I’m getting a text from my dad. He says I’ve gotta be home early tonight for my little brother’s circumcision.
 
Fat kid: Again with the damn circumcisions! It doesn’t have any health benefits, you know. That’s just a Zionist myth that’s perpetuated to keep Palestine-
 
DM: We agreed no politics! Look, Lung Lung, if you really need to go, we can pick this up next week. Alright? I’m getting pretty tired anyway.
 
One week later
 
Asian kid: So, where were we? Fighting old man Carlos?
 
DM: About that, according to the book, he’s dead.
 
Ugly kid: Huh?
 
DM: Yeah, the sessions in this game are designed to pass in real time, so in the week between our last session and this one, Carlos actually died of old age.
 
Fat kid: Sweet! Let’s loot his corpse!
 
DM: You find some Werther’s Originals and a 70s porno mag.
 
One hour later
 
The DM is wearing a lampshade over his head and squinting his eyes.
 
DM: Ah, relcome to the Orient, friends!
 
Asian kid: Man, you know this is racist, right? I just wanna make sure you know that this is racist.
 
DM: Sorry, I’m just setting the scene. You’ve encountered three Asian men. Arata, who looks a bit like a gay lion, Baba Yaga, who has a cat, and Moongoose, who according to the book, is “an ugly poo poo brain”. Well, I don’t even know what to make of that.
 
Ugly kid: Okay, well I’m gonna target the Arata guy…I’ve rolled 14, plus my Cuntery stat – man, who wrote this? – so that gives me a total of 33.
 
DM: You grab Arata by the beard and knee him square in the face. He blindly runs into Baba Yaga, who lets out a yelp and throws the cat into the air and runs.
 
Fat kid: Roll Dexterity to catch the cat…ah shit it’s a Natural 1.
 
DM: The cat falls onto Moongoose’s head and breaks its ribs, falling to the ground and twitching a little, Moongoose stamps on it to put it out of its misery.
 
Asian kid: Okay, I need to kill this chink. FUCK! I rolled a Nat 1 as well!
 
DM: You’re in luck, according to the book, Moongoose has negative 20 on all stats and can be beaten with literally any roll. You pull out your sword and cut his head off…a crazed drunk woman runs in and cradles his corpse in her arms, and utters two words…”goodnight Tom”. I think that’s a good time to call a break.
 
Half an hour later.
 
Ugly kid: Man, can we skip this battle?
 
DM: I’m looking at the book and this Jeff X guy sounds lame as hell. Yeah, let’s skip him. Okay, so we can either follow up on that lead from the gay vampire dude…Devon, was he called? Yeah, we can follow up on his lead and pursue Jesus Christ…
 
Asian kid: Lemme just clear this up, is he the actual Jesus?
 
DM: I’m looking at the book and he uhh…he grew from the foreskin of Christ…
 
Asian kid: ENOUGH WITH THE CIRCUMCISION JOKES!
 
DM: No, no, I swear I’m not making this up, look!
 
Asian kid: Well, I’ll be damned. Well, he sounds kinda corny, what about that other scenario, the Nobi guy? The sounds like a good scenario. Tell me what you think of that scenario.
 
DM: The book says he’s an immensely powerful creature who cannot be stopped after 8pm…what time is it? 8.13. Fuck that, what else have we got?
 
Ugly kid: Hold up, my stepdad’s texting me…
 
Fat kid: Your mom still with that Layne guy?
 
Ugly kid: Yeah, he’s a real asshole…he wants me to come home and watch the football. He says that the football’s more important than some stupid clash or whatever it is that we’re doing. Well, guess we should call it a day, huh? See you guys next week.
 
One week later
 
DM: Are you SURE you want to do this?
 
Asian Kid: Yes!
 
DM: Okay, you crush the skinny Australian man’s windpipe for refusing to accept burned koala pelts as a form of payment. Seems harsh but I can’t stop you. At least you didn’t piss on him like that homeless dude.
 
Ugly kid: Hey! That big oaf had it coming! This game doesn’t even have a proper currency system and this guy’s just out here begging for change? What kind of dumbass mechanic is that! Useless character anyway, the descriptions of how gross he was were way too vivid. Who the hell goes to that amount of effort to make me vomit in my mouth? Fuck that guy, let’s move on.
 
DM: Well, the dark elf is pleased with your work. His name is Kevin, known to many as the Maverick. His dark skin and dreadlocked hair is recognisable around the kingdom-
 
Fat kid: Man did they just make dark elves the fantasy version of black guys? What kind of racist ass cac wrote this book?
 
DM: Jason, I’m gonna need you to dial it back a bit, okay? You gotta stop getting offended on behalf of others. Your favourite rapper’s Logic, for God’s sake. The Paul Wall of black people.
 
Ugly kid: Look, what’s Maverick got for us? Wait…didn’t we already fight someone called Maverick?
 
DM: Different guy, his name is just Maverick. This guy is called Kevin and people call him Maverick. I know it’s confusing but you’ve just gotta roll with it. The guy you killed with absolutely no trouble whatsoever was a pasty dwarf called Maverick and he wasn’t really of any worth to anyone. This guy is a really cool elf who’s gonna do some magic tricks!
 
Fat kid: Magic tricks? We’re not five years old. I’m gonna roll Strength and kick him in the back of the leg…that’s a Nat 20.
 
DM: His leg shatters completely and he goes down hard. Do you guys really have to mutilate every single character that you meet in this game? It’s getting harder and harder to make the plot work for you. We’ve only got three combat encounters left and the entire campaign’s done.
 
Two hours later
 
DM: You strike the final blow on the English Lord, and to your horror, he morphs into a giant time lizard right before your very eyes. What are you gonna do?
 
Asian kid: What’s a time lizard?
 
DM: According to the book, they’re a race of mentally unstable weaklings who-
 
Asian kid: I kick it in the dick.
 
DM: I don’t think they have- oh, yeah they do. Roll for damage.
 
Asian kid: 28.
 
DM: Its balls explode.
 
Half an hour later
 
DM: Okay guys, you’ve almost got him beat. But this demon lord ain’t going down without a fight. Havoc’s supposed to be the toughest enemy in the whole game, so it’s best that you tread carefully.
 
Ugly kid: Yeah but, he hasn’t actually like, done anything demonic this whole time. He’s just kind stood there and scowled at us a bit. Are we sure it’s not just some guy covered in red paint?
 
Fat kid: Wait, don’t we have that vial of holy water that we stole from the crossdresser?
 
Asian kid: Which crossdresser? You’re gonna have to be more specific, there’s A LOT of them in this game.
 
Fat kid: Look, just throw the holy water! Look, I rolled 35 on Dexterity!
 
DM: The holy water goes in a perfect arc and hits Havoc square in the face. As the liquid pours down his face, it becomes apparent that it’s very much just a normal guy under there. A guy by the name of Chris…wait, is that right? Chris? This guy’s name is Chris?
 
Ugly kid: I mean, your middle name is Keith so-
 
DM: ANYWAY, Chris lets out a loud yelp and throws himself off the chasm and into the abyss, screaming “ALLAH ACKBAR!” on the way down. He leaves behind a mystical key that perfectly fits the lock of the door he was guarding. As you press on, there is nothing in the room except a lone figure in the middle. This figure seems unassuming, simply staring back at you. You can hear whispers carrying on the air. These whispers carry the name…the name…shit, I think you guys are fucked. This guy’s been referenced all throughout the book. He’s like, the Sauron of this shit.
 
His name…is Udy.
 
Eight hours later
 
Ugly kid: So…so tired. How fucking long has this encounter been going on for? How many damn hit points does this dude have?
 
DM: Look man, I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve practically breezed through every other character in the game and made it to the big bad. You’re woefully underprepared for this battle. Also, you’ve all attacked this turn so now it’s Udy’s go…Nat 1.
 
Asian kid: Thank God for that.
 
DM: Uhh about that. Udy has a special buff. If he rolls a Nat 1, he grows 40 feet in height and turns into a giant fire monster. He swipes you all with his hand, dealing 999 points of damage each…you’re all dead.
 
Fat kid: Come on!
 
Ugly kid: That’s bullshit!
 
Asian kid: What kind of curry muncher shit is this?!
 
DM: Look guys, I don’t make the rules. Udy is all powerful. Udy is nigh unbeatable. You can either take it up with me, or the guy who wrote the book. This…Nathaniel Cage fella. Oh, there’s actually a picture of him on the inside of it. Man, what a handsome guy, I bet if he were a character in this, he’d have no problem destroying everyone in sight. I mean look at that face and those cheekbones! You wanna talk about perfect structure, this guy’s got it.
 
Ugly kid: Alright, alright, enough of this game. I’m tired and I’m hungry and I just wanna go to sleep. Anything we missed?
 
DM: Just a bunch of throwaway characters who are listed in the “Bust” section. Lemme see…Alexander Iscariot, Jahseh Jett, Hayden Cross, Dirk Hammer…yeah, I think we dodged a bullet there. Also there’s a special thanks to some guy called Kenny Drake at the end…and a post script…”Fuck Nasir Moore”.
 
Fat kid: Well, at least he didn’t call anyone fat, which is by far the worst insult of them all.
 
Ugly kid: What?

“When I came back to Japan, I didn’t know what to expect. Miss Manami herself picked me up from the airport. Tokyo didn’t change much from several years ago. It was still crowded as ever, always one step ahead of first-world civilization. We drove into the Shin-Kiba area of Kōtō City, located in the eastern part of Tokyo. Kiba was an area known for its lumber industry, but within the past twenty years give or take has developed a reputation for performance venues. This was one of several reasons why JET founders Miss Manami and Hanako Nakamoto chose this location. JET HQ and its dojo would be close by its main venue, Shin-Kiba 1st Ring, which was known for its cheap rental rates. A lot of small promotions would run shows out here, JET included. Over time, we would dominate the majority of the dates before moving on to our Korakuen dates. 


I thought Manami was taking me straight to the dormitories shared by the foreign talent and rookies, but instead, we went straight to the dojo itself. JET Saikyo Pro-Wres Dojo as it was specifically called. It was a little smaller than the Hunter’s Mark, as it was integrated with the office. I asked Manami if there was any paperwork I needed to sign, and she simply replied by commanding me to enter the ring. I didn’t have any gear at present, so she ordered a young girl to fetch me some gym shorts and a t-shirt. At first, I protested, but Manami wouldn’t hear any of it. For her, the life of a pro wrestler rarely had any breaks. She wanted to see how well I performed in an emergency, after hours of travel time. My body barely adjusted to the jet-lag (no pun) as I prepared to face my opponent for this impromptu sparring session: none other than the girl who fetched me my clothes, a young woman by the name of Azumi Goto…” 


- Excerpt from a draft copy of Diary of a War Queen (2020)
                                                

The story of Stephanie Matsuda and Azumi Goto is a love story. Not in the traditional sense, but rather a tale of two souls guided by their love of pro wrestling, specifically joshi puroresu. You see, we both grew up watching Miss Manami, Hanako Nakamoto, Lady AKIRA, and Nina Sanada. We had aspirations to train at the young institution that was quickly gaining a name for itself. At the time, all signs pointed at Azumi, a natural genius in the ring, becoming the eventual successor of Manami and her Queen’s Road/Strong Style hybrid. Meanwhile, I developed a knack for modern lucha libre, performing highflying maneuvers effortlessly. What most people don’t know that Azumi and I’s first encounter was a sparring match on my first day in their dojo. Needless to say, she outclassed me. I was unfamiliar with JET’s way of fighting, and eventually, I fell victim to her stiff kicks and powerful suplexes. That was my first taste of Queen’s Road Lucharesu and I wanted more of it. It didn’t take long for me to catch up with Azumi. Soon enough, I became her equal. And eventually, I surpassed her.

It all started when I won the JET World Championship. For 322 days I was the face of joshi wrestling in Japan. And don’t get me wrong...she was the 2015 RISE Grand Prix winner and would eventually succeed in her pursuit of the world championship that I made famous as the third-longest reigning champion. Azumi had all the potential in the world. She could’ve led JET as its ace...but she didn’t. This is where things get dark ladies and gentlemen. You see, Azumi has recognized that when I left to go back to America, I would become one of the biggest names in this business. She...couldn’t take it. At that time I cast a shadow so large that even my absence people were comparing her to me. Hell, Manami offered me control of the company before she even went to Azumi! And as for not being there? I have an assistant who is more than qualify to run a combat sports business - even more than me. She sits in my office and works with the staff while relaying to me everything that happens with OUR company. But that’s neither here or there. Azumi doesn’t give a damn if I’m there or not. She doesn’t care how much I invest in our promotion. Azumi Goto only cares about one thing in this world:

Being better than Stephanie Matsuda.

It’s her obsession, really. She can’t stand the thought of the half-breed she used to outshine leaving her in the dust. That’s the ugly truth about Azumi - she’s just as arrogant as the rest of us. She’s no different than Aria, Natalie, and me. The difference between us and her is that we’re honest about our feelings. Honest feelings lead to honest decisions, and Azumi’s decision to vacate the JET World Championship after one day wasn’t honest. Leaving for the Land of the Elite was the most selfish thing you’ve ever done! JET needed you more than it needed me and you abandoned her because you couldn’t stand my international success! It’s such a shame, sweets. You had the potential to surpass my record, and you threw away that opportunity. Don’t you dare compare yourself to me, sweets. You might be a two-time world champion, but your accomplishments pale in comparison to mine. We once traded wins and losses, but now you feed off of the occasional lucky win like a goddamn coke fiend. Is that what you are!? Is that what you lowered yourself to!? God, you’re more delusional than I thought. Fine...you want to be an ace!? A REAL FUCKING ACE!? I’ll show you how to be one, Goto-chan. Through sheer, unadulterated violence I’ll mold you into the perfect best bout machine! I shall break you down and remake you in my own image. From now until the second bell rings, I am your savior Azumi. I’m your fucking god, your goddamn saving grace. I shall resurrect the career of The Goddess of Miracles with my own hands. I’ll teach you what it means to be undisputed, what it means to be fucking iconic. You will fall by the wayside, but when you stand back up on your own two feet, you will gain a deeper understanding of yourself...and me. That’s part of our problem, sweets. Instead of trying to understand me, you would rather reject my shadow and instead of growing your own, you obsess over mine. I get it, sweets - Odyssey was supposed to be your Empire. This was where you were going to be the international superstar you were always meant to be.

(sighs)

I don’t want to fight with you anymore, Azumi. I want to help you. If being this superstar ace is what you want, then fuck it. I’ll be your guiding light. I’ll show you how much you need to give, how much you need to sacrifice in order to realize your dreams and goals. I lost so much over the years Azumi. I know I’m bound to lose more in the pursuit of greatness. If this is the road you wish to walk, then so be it. But, to be great you’ll need to fall. I’ll definitely be able to help with that. Come hither, sweet ‘Zumi. You will learn the meaning of true dominance through subjugation. You will know it, certainly understand it, and eventually...you’ll believe it.

Time to fly my little miracle goddess.

(The camera opens to a “REAL RECOGNIZE REAL” street rally being held on 135th st, also known as “Striver’s Row”. On the stage is Kevin Maverick dressed in an African dashiki and shades. Standing next to him is OWA commentator Giovante, also dressed in African wear. Also on stage was Flex, Soultrain Jones, The Unchained, Dr. Cornell West, and various members of the hotep community. Next to him is his girlfriend, Queen of the PAWGS, Evelyn Bennett.)

Kevin Maverick: Welcome, friends and family alike to the first annual TRIPLE R RALLY! It’s yo boi, fka The American Falcon, nka The Greatest Showman...Kevin Maverick! Today is a celebration of realness! We of the 3R community challenge you all to open up your third eye and see the possibilities of the universe! With an open mind, anything is possible! Like for instance, your homey, the Brazzy Boi will be taking on thirty other competitors in one of the toughest challenges of his career: The Mother F’N Clash of the Mother F’N Titans! I’ll be throwing hands with some of the best in the business! The Clash is the Super Smash Brothers of the wrestling world! Expect anyone to come out there because anything can happen! Before we continue on, can we praised the Based One, the Clip Gawd himself Nasir Senpai! My boi is doing the lord’s work in Wakanda right now, teaching young Somalian kids to be Drip Gawds and Memelords! PRAISED BE!

Crowd: PRAISED BE!

Kevin Maverick: Aight fam, let’s get straight to business! My third eye spies invisible forces at work! I can see the threads of fate manipulating its way to give #YaBoi the victory he deserves! Let’s take a look at the competition, shall we? First, Alexander Iscariot. This big chicken-eating mofo thinks he’s going to win The Clash on his FIRST DAY OF WORK!? REALLY!?

Crowd: REALLY!?

Kevin Maverick: That’s like going into an office job as the mail boy and expecting to be CEO! I don’t care how many pounds of Chinese food that oversize trash compactor can eat in one sitting! It takes more than brute strength to win the day, and #YaBoi is going to dance circles around this fool! In the words of Morgan Freeman’s worst movie...now you see me…

(Kevin steps back as famed dance group the Jabbawockeez step in front of him.)

Kevin Maverick: Now you don’t.

Crowd: WOOO!!!

(Kevin dismisses the group as they fall back. He leans forward against the podium, tapping his forehead.)

Kevin Maverick: The third eye never lies my brothas and sistas! Ain’t that right Brotha Flex!?

Brotha Flex: That’s right Brotha Maverick!

Kevin Maverick: Aka The Cool Maverick NOT the OTHER MAVERICK! Speaking of which, homie thinks he can just take a young gawd’s name!? See, this is what The Unchained keeps talking about! The Man is always trying to steal from the poor to feed the rich! Isn’t that right Brother Mozune of the Nation of Islam!?

Brother Mozune: That’s right Brother Maverick, the one TRUE MAVERICK.

Crowd: PRAISED BE!

Kevin Maverick: I’m going to kick Maverick so hard that anyone with my name is going to feel that kick because #YaBoi is getting mighty tired of other people trying to steal a young gawd’s shine! We shall not dishonor the Drip Deities by accepting any kind of heathen foolishness! Maverick, prepared to get eliminated not just from The Clash but from YOUR OWN NAME! Sincerely yours...the REAL MAVERICK OF OWA!

Crowd: REAL RECOGNIZE REAL!

Kevin Maverick: Triple R baby! WHEW!

Crowd: WHEW!

Kevin Maverick: Next we have Arata Asakura, the sophisticated strong stylist. I like his style...he’s a Drip Gawd in the making. But It won’t be his day this weekend because I’m gonna show him who’s the most fly in all the land!

Crowd: MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHO’S THE DRIPPEST OF THEM ALL!?

Kevin Maverick: PRAISED BE THE CLIP GAWD!

Crowd: PRAISED BE THE SENPAI!

Kevin Maverick: Next we have...the birthday girl! The Kween of Scene, The Ebony Goddess of Great, none other than ARIA JAXON!

Crowd: WHEW!

Kevin Maverick: Listen, we tussled before and she came out the realest one of all, and you know what? Whenever she retires, we will add her to our PANTHEON OF REALNESS!

( A black sorority in the audience started snapping their fingers)

Black Sorority: SIG-NI-FY!

Kevin Maverick: But unfortunately, Saturday won’t be that day, my people. #YaBoi needs to ascend to the heavens first! The prophecy MUST be met! My third eye told me so! I have traveled to Mecca and Medina, Atlanta and then to Houston to figure out what I must do! And there are not enough talking cats muppets in the world that can stop me! YOU HEAR THAT BABA YAGA!? COME AT ME IF YOU MUST! I SHALL STRIKE THEE DOWN WITH HEAVENLY VENGEANCE AND THE WRATH OF A THOUSAND ANCESTORS!!! ANGER GETS SHIT DOWN! #BRINGBACKORLANDOJONES!

Crowd: BRING HIM BACK AMERICAN GODS!

Kevin Maverick: Next, we have Father Time himself, Carlos Rosso! Man, I used to do my homework to episodes of CWF! He was the man back in the day! But in my day, as in today? Just a relic of the past. He’s just some dusty version of what he used to be and what he used to do! And the thing is? I used to look up to homie and now? I want to surpass him. Take no offense Grandpa Rosso...just sit back and enjoy the show!

Crowd: THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW!

Kevin Maverick: Who else we got? Derelict? Homie who took my Openweight Championship from these very hands!? Yeah, we have unfinished business. If you think for one second I’m going to sit back and let homie walk away as the winner after taking one thing from me, ya’ll must be tripping. Hell, I only gave minimal effort in our Atlantis tag match. Do you really think he and I are cool!? Really!?

Crowd: REALLY!?

Kevin Maverick: I need ya’ll to think a little harder on this one. If anything, I’m going to be aiming for the kill! This dude is going to be my number one target! My goal is to take him out for good! One and done as they say! Then there’s Devon Slayton, another abuser of the Slayton name! By the way, I saw what ya’ll Slaytons did to my girl Cloudy over on PWN! Just know she gave me a holla and told me to get in that ass! You better watch your back jack, because the Drip Gawd is on the attack!

Crowd: HE PROTEC! BUT HE ALSO ATTAC!

J.I.D. FANS: I TELL 'EM TO GET OUT THE WAAAAY, I'M FINNA TAKE IT TO 'EM!! HASTA LUEGO, WE FINNA MAKE A MOVE!!!

Kevin Maverick: Thank you for acknowledging the young gawd himself. Now for…(chuckles) Dirk...Hammer.

(Kevin Maverick pauses for a moment, in an attempt to cover his laughter. Flex and Soultrain approach the homie to check on him.)

Soultrain: You okay, man?

(Kevin holds up a finger and leans forward for a moment, signaling that he was alright.)

Kevin Maverick: This guy’s name is Dirk Hammer, like wtf son? Like...yo. PAUSE. Like in a serious way-

(Flex stops Kevin for a moment and asks to take the mic. Kevin nods and hands it off to him.)

Flex: THERE’S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE GENETIC JACKHAMMER IN OWA AND THAT’S YOURS TRULY, FLEX FROM HARLEM! 135TH & 7TH, DOWN THE BLOCK FROM THE WORLD FAMOUS SCHOMBURG LIBRARY AND HARLEM HOSPITAL!

Crowd: WHEW!

Flex: YOU DOWN BAD HOES THINK YOU CAN MESS WITH FLEX AND MY NAKER MAVERICK!? HE HAS THE THIRD EYE! BETWEEN MY GENETIC JACKHAMMER AND HIS THIRD EYE WE GOT THESE HOES TRIPPING MY NI-

(Kevin calmly takes the mic from Flex)

Kevin Maverick: Aight fam. I know you get a little excited sometimes, and your family are Harlemworld, but check that complexion.

(Flex nods and takes a step back as he adjusts his kufi.)

Kevin Maverick: Kyle. Hmm. I don’t know what to say about this cat except that he looks like he sells some good ass weed. Shit, I might hit you up after The Clash-

(Soultrain leans in and whispers in Kevin’s ear.)

Kevin Maverick: For real!? I can’t smoke up in OWA!? Uh…

(Kevin looks around nervously. His lawyer, Stephen P. New walks up to the podium.)

Stephen P. New: My client Kevin Maverick has not in the past or recently tried marijuana during his time as an independent contractor signed with the Omega Wrestling Alliance, and any accusations will be met with scrutiny and a civil lawsuit. Thank you and have a good day.

(Stephen P. New walks away, leaving Kevin to himself.)

Kevin Maverick: Thank you. Finn Wakefield, Mr. Stickman himself is going to be in The Clash. Honestly, Finn was one of the greatest champions I’ve ever seen. But, right now he’s now a champion which makes him a target to take down. I’m going to make my mark anyway, so I might as well eliminate the most dominant wrestler the company has ever had. Speaking of champions, there’s Havoc as well. This guy is not only the WWH World Champion but Wrestleworld’s European Champion. Bullseye meets the target. Bang freaking bang-bang.

Crowd: CLICK! CLICK! BOOM!

Kevin Maverick: Hayden Cross? Joan Jett? A couple of CAWs. Jesus Christ?

(Kevin thinks REAL carefully about his next words.)

Kevin Maverick: Nah. I’m not touching that one. There’s not enough money in the world for me to say the Lord’s name in vain. My First Baptist grandma would whoop my ass!

Crowd: WHILE CHILE!

Kevin Maverick: Jeff X? More like Y U giving me the Z- wait. U is after T...goddamn it, I messed up my own joke! Ugh! In fact, Jeff might be the toughest opponent to eliminate. Then again I could throw a beer his way and watch him jump over ropes to catch it. There’s also my great rival, Layne Kurobane. listen...I have nothing but respect for the homie. He’s another young gawd trying to do his thing. My third eye tells me that I and homie are going to cross paths again sooner rather than later. Now as for Nate Cage? Racist. Nobi? Past his prime. Reggie D. 3.0? Overrated. Scott Oasis? My bitch. Udy? My side bitch. Listen...I’m going to Powerglide my way to the finish line and there’s nothing...NOTHING they can do about. It. Thirty men enter…

Crowd: ONE MAN LEAVES!

Kevin Maverick: And ya’ll already know who that is. Real recognize real, and right now my opponents are looking kind of unfamiliar. My third eye sees all and what I see is a hill full of sheep. It’s time for the wolf to bare his fangs.

(The camera zooms in on Kevin as he stares at the camera, his gaze steadily becoming more serious.)

Kevin Maverick: The Greatest Showman has spoken. See you at the show.

The scene opens up to right after the show opener to the most recent Olympus episode and there are celebrations in the hallways as Rachel and Maverick walk from Gorilla Position to the locker room with smiles on their faces from Maverick’s win over Judgment Jiminez and Ambrose Richardson. They both make their way into the locker room and shut the door behind them, then begins what can only be described as a “sloppy make-out session” between the two with Rachel being pushed up and lifted against the door itself. Knocking can be heard from the other side, Maverick drops Rachel back down onto her feet and opens the door to find a younger man on the other side.

Man: “Is everything okay in there, sir?”

He asks, a little bewildered by Maverick’s presence as he gives the poor kid a death stare.

Maverick: “Fuck off.”

He simply replies as the man walks off with a nod. Maverick turns around to find Rachel going through Maverick’s gear bag and throwing a pair of jeans right at him, followed by his Nike Air 270s and a shirt.

Maverick: “Woah now, what’s the rush?”

Rachel: “Well that’s killed the mood, so let’s just get back to the hotel and have our fun there.”

She replies as she grabs one of his jackets to wrap around herself in.

Maverick: “I was thinking of something better, how about I take you out for dinner and then we can go back to the hotel.”

Rachel thinks for a moment before nodding at the offer. A half an hour passes as we slowly fade into another scene, this time within a small restaurant not too far from the Toyota Center in Houston. We watch Maverick and Rachel take their seats as the waiter hands them the menus, once he comes back, they’ve ordered their food and now wait to be served.

Rachel: “So what now? What do they have in store for you next?”

Maverick: “Thirty men battle royal, big PPV for it. Clash of the Titans is its name, I believe.”

Rachel: “I thought you told me you’ve never been good at Battle Royals.”

Maverick: “That’s true, but I got to do what I’ve got to do. I ain’t easy being someone who’s hyping everyone up and then crumbling at the final hurdle, is it?”

Rachel: “Learning from my experience in the ring, not at all. So who’s in this, what you got to face?”

Maverick: “I have every single fucker you could imagine. Nate Cage, Jeff X, Havoc, Finnegan Wakefield… The list goes on and on, not to mention it’s every big name that OWA has, imagine what that could do for me if I won this?”

Rachel: “Those are some big names… I’ve heard much about some of them, you’re in for a rough time in that ring.”

He snarls at Rachel’s comment.

Maverick: “Nate Cage only cares about killing, he’s like a shitty knock off Jason Voorhees with the mask. Finnegan nearly died at Hardcore Havoc last month, and now he’s somehow back and ready to compete? He’s a wounded dog and I’m sure I won’t be the only one who’s gunning for that poor cunt.”

Rachel: “There’s more to that, Jason, there are twenty-seven others to worry about and you don’t even know the number you’ve been drawn. You could come out at first and have to deal with all twenty-nine people!”

Maverick: “If that’s the case then I’ll take my chances, I’ll throw each of the bastards out if I have to. But maybe there’s a brighter side to it all… I might get lucky and draw number fucking thirty.”

Rachel: “One in thirty odds of that happening, and those being drawn at random, you might as well kiss your luck goodbye.”

Maverick: “As I said, I’ll take my chances.”

Rachel: “And what chances are those?”

A slight smirk appears on his face as he looks to Rachel.

Maverick: “The best possible chances you could ever get.”

With that said, the scene fades to black.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A legacy is not leaving something for people but leaving something in people.

Another day, another easy win. Now I know it's only my third match here and yet a whole lot to prove but sure enough, someone's been paying attention right? I mean, someone has to have been paying attention to one of the hottest and biggest talents OWA has right now but they just can't seem to realize it. The bare mentions by Jeff X and Havoc amongst others are rather delicate, they look at me like I’m some new kid... like I’m just a rookie but come on, let’s not judge the books by their covers, boys.

But come to think about it, let us remind ourselves of who is actually in this match? We’ve got Jeff X as mentioned. There’s Havoc, once again, as mentioned before. I see we have Scott Oasis, The Derelict, Nobi, Jesus Christ, Reginald Dampshaw the Third and so much more but who's the one with the loudest mouth, who's the one that's been chatting the most shit... Who's the weakest link?

Oh yeah... Nate fucking Cage.

Now Nate Cage has been someone that many would say is a scary presence to be around and that is something I cannot ignore but I need to ask what do you see in a man who has the same persona as someone from the nineteen eighties making horror films? If that's the case, Nate Cage is like Jason Voorhees or Leatherface. Hiding behind the mask and without it... He's vulnerable. Has that thought process of that ever come into someone's head before? And then I watch one of his recent videos and this man went through it repeating the words of I'm going to fucking kill all of you.

What happened, Nate? Did you end up killing them all? I don't think so, you took that L nicely, I have to say. So much for the killing aspect, I was very much expecting it to be a bloodbath. That's what I wanted to see going into this, I wanted repeats of Hardcore Havoc when you nearly killed that stick-shaped asswipe, I wanted to see if you could still live up to that Devil moniker but I get the soft boy. I see the weak Nate Cage, I get the shit show I saw on Kingdom recently. You ain't that, Nate, so why are you showing the weaknesses before entering the ring with twenty-nine other people?

Surely you’d understand the chances are decreasing for you, you’re a marked man, everyone wants to break you. There’s the keyword, Nate, they will break you. They won’t kill.

But I will.

I’ll try to, at least, it’s because I don’t fear the Devil. I’ve met him so many times, Nate, and you ain’t the fucking Devil, you’re nowhere near close. Do you want to knock some of my teeth out? Go ahead, be my guest… I’ve had them knocked out and replaced before, I can fucking do it again, but it’ll cost you a lot. More so… I’ll snap your fucking arms right off, don’t think I can’t or I won’t, I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again at your command, just say the words and I’ll snap it in two.

But as we drift away from The Devil, we’re met with the boss. The man behind the Big Oasis Brand, the COO of this shit, Scotty Boy. It’s nice to be able to meet the bossman himself… pretending he’s black listening to Roddy Riich and jamming around like it’s nobody’s business. I mean, good on him for finding the time to have fun when something like this is happening. He’s able to find the enjoyment of it all as he’s ready to face everyone else, I sure as well wouldn’t find the time to fuck around and headbang like the world around me is perfectly fine.

But here’s something interesting to note, along with being the COO of Omega Wrestling Alliance, he’s a former OWA World Champion before falling to the winner of last year’s Clash… who I will get to momentarily. I mean, that’s quite the accomplishment, Scotty. How many days you racked with that belt actually… wasn’t it somewhere near eighty days? Seventy-seven, if my memory does correct me when studying all of this shit. But everyone’s gotta be afraid of you, everyone’s gotta be afraid of the big bad wolf… And big is a fucking understatement for you, son, holy shit.

EAW World Champion… EAW Hall of Famer… normally when someone is a Hall of Famer, they aren’t wrestling anymore or they’ve retired. So why the fuck are you still around, Scotty? Why are you still here? Has glory struck you in the eyes and you can’t resist the temptation anymore? Here’s the thing, Scott, you said that I’m going to be bodied when you see me but I don’t think you’ve unlocked the strategy to actually do it.

Tell me this, what have you seen from me other than the two easily picked matches within your little bubble? I’m a current Undisputed Champion, and you’d know that when you fucking cunts signed me! You would have known that but are we to declare there’s no acknowledgement of it? Oh well… I guess we’re to live in Scott Oasis’ bubble until one of us pops it and brings him back to reality. Since nobody else is going to step up to the plate, I guess I have to burst it and maybe… Just maybe… You might fucking snap out of it, you big-headed power hungry cunt.

Who else is there?

Ah yes, I see you, Derelict. I see that our Openweight Champion has spoken, let’s have a look at this man… A ginger homeless-looking man, what else was I expecting from someone named The Derelict. Now, I don’t think of myself as an egomaniac… More so, I have a lot of passion to what I’ve done throughout my rather short career here. I mean, what have you done? What have you achieved along with that Openweight Championship? Oh, you drew with the Omega Heavyweight Champion at Hardcore Havoc… congratulations are in order for you, I guess. I mean, there’s nothing much about you either, so why would I be intimidated by an Uncle Fester clone?

I see Arata is in this, I know him from Wrestleworld. I see Aria Jaxon, the former winner of this thing. The more I look at this lineup, the more shocking it all gets. Names that won’t mention me or will mention me and tell me that I’m only the new kid around here. If that’s the reputation you want to build around me, then let’s fucking have it but be warned that I’m not going to fuck around.

I’m going to show you something that’ll make it worth my while. Fuck every single one of you cunts that’ll say I can’t win it or I won’t win it… I’m about to slay the entire match and win this fucking thing and then move on to Final Destination.

I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.

~ End Transmission

Here we are.


PORTLAND, OREGON 
???????
??????? on ?????

A match suddenly illuminated the dark room. A man stood behind the flame, gripping the matchstick between his thumb and pointer. The man stood shirtless, showing zig zagged scars and criss crossing stitches. 

He slowly raised the match so his face  was illuminated. 

Kenny Drake.

Did you expect this...years ago, Keelan?

When you...locked that casket...FILLED with spiders...did you ever anticipate that a mere three years later...YOU would be gunning for MY World Championship?

Did you REALLY think...it was all gonna be that easy?

Kenny scoffed to himself. The flame flickered ever closer to his fingers.

I find it...kinda funny. The point where I’m at...I never coulda seen this coming. Honestly, this title? It was always on the back of my mind…and while I saw others claw and scratch and kill themselves at opportunities to just HOLD the championship, I sat back and did my own thing. I had more important things to worry about than some...shiny toy.

Mere moments before having his fingers kissed by the flame, Kenny produced a candle from off to the side. He took a moment to light. The flame continued it’s dance as it lept from stick to wick. 

But now that I have it? It’s...it’s amazing. I can’t imagine my life without it...every time I look at it...hold it...drape it over my shoulder...I am filled with PRIDE...and do you know why, Keelan?

Kenny suddenly looked up,  the flame reflecting in his blood red left eye.

...Because unlike you? I EARNED it.

Kenny shook his head and chuckled, setting the candle down in front of him. As he does, several more candles flicker to light behind him…

Now...I WILL say this. Back then? In our Three Stages of Hell match? Boy, you beat the SHIT out of me. From pillar to post and back around, you beat me like I owed you money. And God dammit, as well you should have, Kee! I was an asshole, making your life hell! You had every reason and RIGHT to kick my ass, and I’ll be damned if you didn’t do exactly that.

Then you locked me in that...fuckin nightmare...that spider filled coffin...and by GOD, you had done it! I was GONE. That was a BIG moment! Congratulations!

But...tell me, CETINICH. What have you done SINCE beating me in 2016?

Win the tag titles? Yeah, I did that first. 

Compete in the Challenge Cup? Yeah, I advanced. How about you?

Lose to Finn more than once? Yeah, you got me on that one. You win there. I can’t say I’ve done THAT.

Ok, here’s the big one. You RETIRED Jon McAdams...the guy that already announced it was his last match, anyway. In THREE YEARS, you have done…

Nothing.

Kenny cracked his neck and sneered. More candles began to light behind him…

You can see...what I have done...every time I enter that ring, you see the SCARS and the BRUISES...the map of my last decade is permanently etched into my skin...and all roads led to this…

Kenny slowly raised the OWA World Title...more candles flicker in its reflection. 

And I simply must ask you…

What makes you think you’re worthy of this?

Because from where I’m standing? You have as much claim to contendership as Senza Faccia. You have already  FAILED. The only thing you EVER had against me was that ONE win...ONE night, ONCE, you BEAT and seemingly RETIRED Kenny Drake.


But do I LOOK retired to you, boy?

Kenny slowly slithered closer to the camera as still more candles flickered to light behind him…

Everything you possibly had...every hope, every wish...it’s gone, Keelan...gone. You had ONE shot...that maybe...MAYBE...history would repeat itself...lightning would strike twice...and you...YOU, of ALL people...would beat Kenny Drake.

But THAT stupid little dream? It depended on ONE thing.

That I am still the man I was back then.

Kenny scoffed. 

It appears that this has become a common theme. 

Oasis thought I was the old Kenny...and I kicked him down a fuckin’ mountain. 

Aria? She thought I was still the old me...and look at what happened to her. 

In fact, anybody I face from the old place? They seem to underestimate me. They seem to look RIGHT past me. It’s happening NOW. No matter who you ask, the only things people are talking about? The Clash itself...and the triple threat...

Kenny holds the OWA World Title directly in front of the camera. 

But THIS?! THIS is THE most important championship in professional wrestling! THIS is what this company was BUILT on! I don’t care what anybody says, THIS is the only thing that matters in this business!

The title belt slowly lowered...Kenny wiped the hair from his face…

Now...I may not have any stake in this company...I may not be in any board meetings or luncheons...but I am deeply...DEEPLY proud of this place. I am DEEPLY proud of this title belt and what it means. While everyone else is wearing themselves thin, traveling back and forth between here and SSW and WrestleWorld and any one of the million other places...I stay loyal to HERE. I give EVERYTHING...EVERYTHING to this company and this brand, and I will continue to do so until I take my last breath. When the people see the name KENNY DRAKE on a match listing, they know FULL FUCKING WELL...that they are going to get every ounce of my heart and soul in that ring. They will all leave with a piece of me, and I am damn DAMN proud to do it. I FIGHT, I LIVE, AND I’LL DIE for the OWA and for THIS World Championship!

So the thought...of someone like you holding this? Makes me fuckin sick, Keelan.

Kenny spat as he shook his head.

Another stockholder champion. Another person giving the fans ZERO reason to care. Another corporate goon, wearing the title belt because it’s his turn.

You want to play that game? You want to play boardroom grab ass and keep away with something the rest of us view as sacred? Go to Olympus and join in on their little game of hot potato.

Because as long as this title belt is with me?

You have to EARN your shot at it.

This isn’t some little prop, Keelan. This isn’t some shiny little toy to coerce Julianna with. THIS is the OWA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP. THIS IS WHAT YOUR COMPANY VIEWS AS THE PINNACLE PRIZE IT CAN OFFER...AND I WILL BE DAMNED IF IT GOES TO SOMEONE AS UNWORTHY AS YOU. For the last three years, Kee, I have had to deal with people coming up to me in airports and restaurants and wherever and talk about that match with you. How I FEEL about it...what I’m going to DO about it. Well, I’ll tell you what I tell them. I feel HORRIBLE about the loss. Not because I just...LOST...not because it “ended my career.”

No...I feel HORRIBLE? 

Because I lost to you...and you did exactly fuck all after.

I lost...to a loser.

He hung and shook his head again, this time as if disappointed in a small child. 

That’s...just embarrassing. So at the Clash...I’m going to...fix it. 

EMPHATICALLY.

Kenny slowly looked up. His stare, terrifying. 

I’m going to hurt you, Keelan.

And contrary to popular belief...I don’t need barbed wire or glass to do it.

I’m Kenny Drake, after all...

I am...an artist...when it comes to violence…[color]

And all an artist needs?

Is time, a place, and a canvas...

So...Saturday is the time...The Clash is the Place...and you?

You’re my canvas...

A snarling wolf head momentarily flashed over Kenny’s face...he suddenly stepped back and gently placed the title belt over his shoulder…

The good thing is...since you and Carlos are all buddy buddy in...what is it, Zaibatsu?

You can ask him for tips on how to deal with losing to Kenny Drake.

Because let me tell you, Keelan...the things that I have done to GET this title? Will PALE in comparison to what I will do to keep it. 

And you?

I’m gonna make an example of you. 

And then everywhere you go...for the rest of your time in this industry...for the rest of your time on this planet...until the day you die...people will stare into your hollow, defeated eyes...and they’ll say in loud, clear, PROUD voices…

All the candles go out. Pitch black.

WOLVES…

AETERNUM.






[/color]

The screen begins with a static, before suddenly booting up the Spike TV logo. The broadcast seems old as the camera quality is up to current standards, apart from the fact that Spike is now known as Paramount Network. A warning pops up on the screen stating the following:

“The stories portrayed in this show are based on real deaths, and are extremely graphic.
names have been changed to protect the identities of the deceased.
do not attempt to try any of the actions depicted 
… you will die”

“1000 Ways to Die Theme Song” hits the broadcast as the heavy metal guitar riff kicks in. 

“What if I told you, the wrestlers that you enjoy watching on a weekly basis are running a chance of death at every step of the way? A man who is too pressed about winning a medal, tries his luck with a demon spawn and pays the price for it. Or the man who claims to be the Devil but it’s basically just a medical condition that eventually gets the better of him? Or a man who is paranoid about going out after 8 PM because he doesn’t trust himself? That and a lot more will be covered tonight. Our life is too short to be thrown away because of a mistake… I’m Ron Perlman, and you’re watching 1000 WAYS TO DIE” Said the narrator, Ron Perlman, famous for playing Hellboy, in his usual hyped up voice. 

A transition screen pops up with the date 2nd February written down, along with the location of San Antonio, Texas. 

“Last year, about 1 person whose name I’m contractually obligated not to mention, set a date with what would be an absolute nightmare for anybody else. But this man thought he knew something others didn’t. He thought he could change an entity that was beyond his reach. He thought he won a war but boy was he wrong! Not only did he get his skull caved in, he started to show his true colors to the world. But this next man who we are going to talk about isn’t that lucky. He did not get away with just being ‘changed’. This man paraded around the fact that he has a medal that guaranteed him future success. But he chose to rub it in to everybody’s face. He chose it ignore the signs that were clearly telling that his day of reckoning was near, but he was so delusional and oblivious to it that he DID not see what’s coming for him.” Said Perlman, as a man who appears to be Japanese, with long hair and a curious habit of wearing suits everywhere, steps out of a purple caravan showcasing a medallion of sorts. He walks around the streets, pointing at his medallion, with two of his friends, following him around everywhere he goes. Suddenly, everything around him shuts down. Pitch darkness settles in as a night vision camera shows the rest of the clip. The man can be seen confused, looking around but his friends are nowhere to be found.

“He found himself alone and deep down, he knew that his day of reckoning had come. He frantically ran down the pitch black streets, looking for any source of light to guide him to safety but nothing ever came. He kept running and running until he couldn’t anymore. The shine of the medallion that he was so proud of couldn’t exist in pitch darkness. With his back against the wall, this man attempted to be funny. Unfortunately for him, nobody laughed.” Said Perlman as the man can be seen standing in front of a dead end. He turns around and screams at the top of his lungs.

“WHO IS IT?! SHOW YOURSELF IF YOU HAVE THE GALL! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! UNLESS YOU’RE A VALLEY GIRL, I HAVE NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF! I AM THE GREAT MO--” The man couldn’t finish his sentence as a shadowy figure appears behind him and thrusts a knife into his back and through his heart. The man falls down to his knees, with blood pouring out of his mouth as he slowly turned around to meet his maker but there was nobody to be seen. A single spotlight appears over him as he crumples down to the floor, with blood all over him. 

WAY TO DIE #69 posted up with the photo of the final image, appears on the screen before Perlman moves to the next entry.


April 11; Miami, Florida is plastered over the screen.

“If you thought the last entry was weird, think again. Because this man thinks he is the actual Devil! I am not making this up! But from what is known about him, the acts he committed are heinous and absolutely appalling. There might be some truth behind his madness. But even he could not fathom the true strength of the Harbinger of Reality. Let’s just say, he has Darth Vader complex without the things that make him cool… Like you know, lightsabers! But the Devil didn’t go down without a fight. Actually, some say he put on the greatest fight against the truth seeker, than anybody else. But so is to be expected from a man simply known as ‘The Devil’. As disappointed as I may be for him not being decked out in Prada apparel, his fate was a lot worse than death. For he could never die! Stuck in an endless loop of torture, The Devil saw through it all. But there was no escape from this reality until he just couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t pain that killed him-- It was fear. Fear of looking into the mirror to see what he had become. Fear of having to atone for his sins. Fear... “ Said Perlman, sounding arrogant as he talks about it. During this, we see a horrifying sight of a mutilated man, strapped onto a chair of spikes with a broken gas mask on. There are deep gashes all over his body. He lies motionless on the chair, with his eyes rolled to the back of his head-- indicating heart failure. 

WAY TO DIE #666 appears over this image as blood splatters all over the screen, before transitioning onto the next entry. 

“Are you uncomfortable by the thought of unfamiliarity? Cause I am not too sure what to make of this? A man so unknown to the world that his death was forgotten until now! This man had an insightful and a truly revolutionary man as his mentor. Let’s just call him…. Um.. John Doe! That’s the name they use don’t they? Now you see John Doe was an icon. His ideals were in line to what a truth seeker would want in this world. His motives were clear as day and with all his knowledge, he decided to share it amongst his people. We’re here to talk about his student. A man hellbent on making the most of his time, each and every day. He was labeled as ‘The Chosen One’ by his mentor but was he? Was he the man fit enough to carry on a legacy? Was he ready for a task that most men will shudder at the thought of doing? His obsession with being short on time brings out the irony of the moment when he finally DID run out of it! There were no moments to spare and as he stared down at his mentor’s eyes-- all he saw was disappointment. For he was not ready for the challenge. He tried to be somebody who wasn’t him, trying to mimic his mentor, but it just wasn’t good enough. A copy can’t hold a candle to the original. His mentor wanted more from him and he failed to deliver. And so he had to be dealt with. And he was.” Said Perlman as a man is seen walking his cat when suddenly a truck appearing out of nowhere smashes into him, killing him on the spot. A group of people gather around to check on him as the camera zooms out. The cat is seen walking away from the group, unharmed and not bothered about what transpired. 

WAY TO DIE #42 appears over the image of his corpse before it transitions into the next entry.

“Another story. Another man in Florida. This one is rather tragic… You see, this man, rather short but talented nevertheless, was widely recognised as a pioneer in his field by his peers. But the upper echelon and the management didn’t consider him for a raise or a change of role. Every time he got close to reaching new heights, he was put back down and silenced for lack of a better word. But he was a rebel at heart! And this man did everything in his power to stand up for himself against the management. Whether it be through interfering in matters that did not pertain to him or verbally assaulting his boss to his own whims and fancies. This man was not short of admirers. I am told that he had a stalker or as she would call it… A very prolonged first date. This man did everything in his power to reach the very pinnacle of the company...But this time, they had other plans. You see, this man was gaining popularity within the company and the management could not let that happen. The management put a price on his head and had a lot of takers for the job. Unfortunately for the man, after weeks and weeks of overcoming the odds he succumbed at the hands of a hitman for hire. With a hand wrapped around his neck, his life was squeezed out of him. He struggled and put up a fight-- But it wasn’t enough.” Said Perlman as we see a guy, with a short stature, long hair and a headband, trying to fight multiple people at once. Now bloodied and exhausted, he thinks that his fight is over. He sits down exhausted, finally catching a breather, only to be blindsided by a shadowy figure. The video changes to the perspective of his assailant, as the man gets choked to death. 

WAY TO DIE #205 appears over the still image of the man being choked out. Perlman chuckles before continuing with the next entry.

“He old! That’s it! This man was way past his prime, still working at his tender age for some reason. His coworkers and work buddies were basically carrying him onto getting bonuses. He was a bit of a wild card if I’m being honest and he had it coming. There’s no way you make it to his age and still do dumb shit like he did. Sometimes you need to realize that you need a break and this man never did. He started biting off more than he could chew and just wouldn’t be able to deliver on his promises. But one day, it was finally time.” Said Perlman, as the scene opens in an old age home. An old man, is seen sitting in a wheelchair with a rose in hand. He has a young Australian guy and his fat Samoan girlfriend over to visit him at this place where he finally is at peace with the world and closes his eyes for eternal rest.

WAY TO DIE #999 appears over the image of the old man.

“Jeff X is an alcoholic” Said Perlman, without skipping a beat as an image of Jeff drinking beers appears over the screen with WAY TO DIE #247 plastered over it as it transitions into the next entry.

“Crack” Said Perlman, as a picture of Kyle appears on the screen with WAY TO DIE #420 written in all green font.

“When it comes to the next man, anything I say will be considered hate speech. Let me preface my statements by saying that I don’t judge people by their color or gender. But this man was an Indian and I’m heavily judging him right now. Not for his skin color of course, but rather for his ‘special’ talents. He truly was ‘special’. If you could see me right now, I’m doing the air quotes so you know what I mean. But there was something likeable about this guy…. Something that made him popular amongst his coworkers. Maybe it’s the curry that he brought for everybody!? All I know is, he died from a cocktail of Hepatitis A, B and C.” Said Perlman as a white man dressed as an Indian is seen lying dead on the floor, foaming in his mouth. 

WAY TO DIE #15 is stamped over his image as Perlman moves on to the final entry.

“And finally for this episode, we talk about an innocent man with a dark secret. On the surface level, there’s nobody more gullible than him and yet he managed to manipulate and confuse countless people in his path of super-stardom. This man was so disciplined that he avoided going outside past 8 PM for his own health and safety. But this man is not who we think he is. An aspiring movie actor who KNEW what Harvey Weinstein was doing in his free time and still never raised any questions. A man so hellbent on being cast as the new Wolverine that he sold his SOUL to the devil. Not the one we mentioned earlier, of course. This man was hiding his true intentions all along and nobody could ever see it. He used his innocence and good nature as a facade all along and when he was exposed… It was too much for him. This man was never seen again. His body was never found… Maybe it was guilt. Maybe he was atoning for what he did.” Said Perlman as a missing poster for a man wearing jorts is seen. WAY TO DIE #8 superimposed on it. 

The 1000 Ways to Die logo is displayed once again as the scene transitions to ‘Ron Perlman’, or quite likely a look-alike, sitting behind a desk with a faint smile on his face. 

“And that’s all we--” As he said, a hand appears from behind him and slits his throat open. Perlman struggles to get another word, gagging in his mouth, as a fountain of blood poured out of his body. His head crashes onto the table. Havoc appears from the shadows with a bloody knife in hand as she shakes his head at the mess made by all the blood spurting out of his body.

“You should have followed the script, Ron! We could have avoided all of this! Look what you made me do! I’m sorry that you guys had to see that… It wasn’t my intention to interrupt the regular programming that you’re watching but there’s an important message that Ron here was supposed to relay back to you but he failed to do so! I don’t think people truly understand my motives! They think I’m a psychopath, projecting my insecurities onto other people to find an excuse to hurt them. Ask Ron right here… Do I need excuses Ron? Roooon? DO I NEED EXCUSES?! TELL ME! DO I?! I guess he’s not in the mood to talk right now, but trust me! I am not a bad guy! I am just trying to bring a change in this world that others don’t want to see happen! Ever had anybody hold you back in life? Well, with the way our society works… There’s a good chance you have unless you’re part of the top 1%. In that case, I don’t fucking like you anyway! They think it’s their privilege to put common people like you and I down and under for their amusement. The wage gap is increasing. Real people with real messages keep dying while the assholes are still going around without any consequences. People are afraid to stand their ground thinking that they’ll never get out of this ditch. But that will change! WE will bring a change. We are no longer bound by the chains placed on us by society. And it will all begin at Clash of the Titans when I EARN my opportunity to face Kenny Drake or whoever the world champion is, come Final Destination. And when that happens, EVERYBODY will be forced to take notice. They’ll be forced to LISTEN! My people!! Stand up and touch your heart, wherever you are. Know this… That if you stand by me…. You will never walk alone. YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE! YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALOOOONE!!!” Exclaimed Havoc, breaking into demonic laughter right after. 

The scene ends with 1000 Ways to Die’s Theme Song Playing in the background as a WAY TO DIE #1 appears over Ron Perlman's limp body to end the scene.

Oh Jonetta, you truly are the only person I know on this roster that knows how to get to it. You said you hate my limp noodle attitude, but really you just hate everything about me, which is fine as the feeling is mutual, but I will give props when it is due. Do you want to know what is the matter with me? Like do you truly want to know why I am the way I am? Fine, I will tell you and everyone why I am the way I am.

Let me ask you this though. Why should I walk around like I am Top Dog and this Iron Woman of the sort? I am truly nothing special. Honestly, what is so special about myself? I am just some Vegan Straight Edge Punk from Detroit, who was born to German Immigrants. What is so special about a fucking woman who is always changing herself almost every month or so? What is so special about a wrestler that was trained in her own backyard and later trained professional? What is so special about someone like me who knows that shit can be taken away from you in a minute? As I said before I am nothing special and I can simply be replaced especially when compared to the other women such as yourself Jonetta or April or Dulce or so on. Hell, through my whole life I was nothing special so why change that now. I mean seriously answer me this because I have no clue why I should be considered someone as I have no character, no theme, and hell I have nothing! Hell, I want to know why I get under your and April’s skin so bad as that fucking amazes me beyond anything! As for my reasoning for rooting for other women to win instead of me is easy to understand. If I came out here and talked about how I was gonna beat everyone and fuck them I am the best that would no better than Cage herself or anyone of that ilk. That would be narcissistic as fuck and would be putting myself over everyone and as you clearly pointed out I don’t do and that is the reason because it isn’t me at all. Hell at least everyone else can stick with one thing and not change every month as I do. I mean I have done what like seven changes over the course of my time. I went from the blue-chipper rookie who referenced Anime and compared herself to the likes of Deku and hell even had moves named after such to “The Aerial Ace” to “The Black Veiled Champion” to what I am now...nothing. That is why I uplifted the other women because they have more potential than myself to become somebody. They will be something special and memorable while truthfully I will just be “there” so to say. So again I ask why in the fuck should I act like a big deal when in reality I am not one? Oh, that remark I made about Natalie and myself being dream match was a bit of a joke as I mean who would really want to see that? The charismatic and bold champion that has laid waste to everyone and always stands tall vs someone like myself the underdog with no charisma and has relied on pure luck to win instead of skill. I mean being honest here the fact people were excited to see myself against Dulce both times legitimately moved me to tears and when I won the belt I felt like that was me finally becoming someone, but that was a cruel joke.

As you said my reign as champion was lackluster, you actually have a valid point on that one even though I have moved one from it is true and I will agree with you on it. It was lackluster and at first, I blamed everyone, but I never blamed myself for it. The more I thought about it and the more I replayed my matches I had in my head the more I realized it was my fault and in fact, my reign devalued that title and that...that hurt me more than anything. Knowing that fact ate me up inside because there was a belt that was carried by Dulce a wrestler and woman that is held in high regard and then there was myself. A defeatist. A downer. A loser. A nobody. Though Jonetta I will say one thing you blaming me for people downing you is really hilarious if I am being honest. Besides the idea of it just being funny the fact you act you sort to act like it was a good thing that I defeated you and that is just hilarious, but I digress.

So this time especially is about the character or my character I suppose, right? Who is this “we” you are talking about? Is it you and I or The Dollhouse as a whole or we mean a general sense of all? I mean what do we believe in as wrestlers? You and I don’t believe in the same thing. I am sure Natalie and I don't believe in the same thing. It is subjective on what we believe in as wrestlers. What should a Wrestler be Jonetta? Honestly. Should they be some uppity bitch that thinks killing animals for fun is great? Should they be some sort of drunk that raises hell, kicks ass, and leaves? Should they be a cult leader and lead a flock of followers? What should a fucking wrestler be? Wait, I know what a wrestler should anything and anyone, but for me. Correct? A real person. A person, or wrestler, that isn’t afraid to show weakness or god forbid real fuckings feelings! A wrestler that doesn’t act like they are the best fo the fucking best because for the majority of their life they were told they weren’t shit! How the fuck are you going to say I have no ambition at all! Have you kept track of my time here in Odyssey? Have you not seen where I am the first to arrive at the arena where we have our and will be the last to leave? You say I have no ambition is absolute and I mean absolute bullshit! I have had a burning ambition ever since the days when I was wrestling in my backyard to make it and become someone! I have had ambition since day fucking one when I stepped into Odyssey! So don’t you dare say I have none and that I have had any because I have the ambition to dump your ass over the top rope!

You and April have repeated that same line “you aren’t hungry like me” or something very similar. I will set the record straight...that is bullshit as well! I have the hunger inside of me, in fact, my hunger is never satisfied! You, April, and everyone else have no fucking clue how hungry I am every time I get in that ring! No one has a clue how I hunger to be on top, to be someone, or even to be considered one of the best this business has to offer! No fucking one knows my god damn eternal struggle, my emotions, or my own self-doubt! No one does! So you and April and who the fuck else have no fucking right on saying I am not hungry for jack shit because I will...no I promise I will put you, her, and who the fuck else says that in their place real fucking quick! Just because I don’t go out there and parade my hunger everywhere and talk about this shit or that shit doesn’t mean I want to! Fuck! You know what though...you know why I don’t go out and do the same thing as everyone else because of that reason! Everyone does it and it is beyond fucking cliched and if I was a fan I would find that shit annoying after a while! So again Jonetta, April, and anyone never says I am not hungry because I will gladly fucking show you what true hunger is about.

So now since I am irritated and rattled thanks to Jonetta here is the truth. I am going to go into that match and try...no I will do my best and I will be in the final four. From there, it is anyone’s game if I am being honest, but I let you know what I will do for real if I win. I will rightfully go after April and earn the belt I never lost...and yes I know I “lost it” before anyone says anything, but if you really think about April never pinned me or even made me tap...and I know that has to eat at her to some degree because she knows she only won by luck and not skill. Once, I win that belt back I will go forward and wait for my chance to face whoever is holding the Women’s World Championship whether it be the Devil herself Natalie Cage, the Goddess herself Dulce Torres, or even the Goddess of Chaos herself Eris. Either one doesn’t bother me because I will show what the power of a true underdog is really about and show no matter how high you are that someone like me...a nobody, a downer, a defeatist as one has said can beat someone that is seen as a Goddess and from there I will show what someone like myself can achieve. What they can do when they think about quitting, but they kept on pushing forward day in and night out. I will usher in a new era of great prosperity and make the Women’s Championship a pure one and not tainted like what Natalie has done with it. I will show everyone why Odyssey is the superior brand. I will show the doubters like April, Jonetta, and who the fuck ever else that you shouldn’t sleep on me! I will show the people who said becoming a Wrestler was a dumb choice! I will show what happens when this Rock and Roll spirit of mine begins to scream! I will be heard by everyone and it will lead me to grasp my victory! Because you can’t kill Rock and fucking Roll, bay bay!

The following dossier was found among the belongings of Nate Cage. His location is currently unknown, but among his few personal possessions was this file, marked “Clash 2020”. We’re not entirely sure what this transcript means, but he seems to strongly dislike a lot of people, which is concerning.

 

Each article is entered in alphabetical order with some analysis from Nate. This is a unique opportunity: the first time we can truly delve inside the mind of Nate Cage and see how he operates. Read at your own peril.
 

CLASH 2020 – A BREAKDOWN OF MY OPPONENTS AND HOW TO BEAT THEM. IF FOUND, PLEASE SEND TO KENNY DRAKE.
 
Alexander Iscariot – He’s a giant. I don’t know how anybody is going to be able to get him over the top rope.
 
Arata Asakura – A new face. Showed promise in the eight-man tag. He’s found much success outside of OWA and is looking to make himself a power player here. His arrogance is admirable but misplaced. He’s got a lot to learn before he can reach the level he aspires to. Seems to really have it in for Hayden Cross and loves his keys. Might be a cat in human form. Needs more research.
 
Aria Jaxon – The winner of last year’s Clash and a former world champion. Lost to Kenny Drake at Hardcore Havoc. Resourceful and scrappy. Have fought once, I won. But I really need to stop bringing it up because I think it’s starting to annoy her and just about everyone else. Physically the smallest person in the match but also the most accomplished. Not entirely sure why she’s not in the women’s Clash, must email Scott Oasis for an answer.  As for weaknesses, she seems to respond negatively when you insult Beyoncé, perhaps this love of Bey can be weaponised? Note to self: craft effigy of acclaimed RnB singer Beyoncé and burn it in front of Aria Jaxon to see what she does. Also, maybe just try hitting her really fucking hard, it worked last time.
 
Baba Yaga – Has an adorable pet cat who is oddly still, also has wonderful hair. First match in OWA and hopefully his last because I cannot stand how damn cute that cat is.
 
Carlos Rosso – Old guard and always a solid favourite in matches like this. Former winner of the [REDACTED] match in [REDACTED], which is essentially the same thing as the Clash but more gay. Looks to be focused on Layne Kurobane and linking up with old buddy Scott Oasis. Spent a good chunk of 2018 fighting him. Definitely carries old man strength really well. Slightly insane though, which is worrying. Might flip his lid if provoked. Weaknesses? I don’t know, maybe tell him it’s time to take his pills and hope that he throws himself out of the ring. Oh and he has my tag belt, yeah, that has to change.
 
Derelict – Giant hobo. Has no nose. How does he smell? Awful.
 
Devon Slayton – Tough bastard who seems to have been around forever without much to show for it. Spent the majority of last year taking Ls to James and Donny but recently started to get one over on them. Silly boys, I let them leave the nest and they do this to me. Ah well, live and let live. Weaknesses? Fuck knows, who cares? And why the hell is called the Black Savior? Denzel Washington he ain’t.
 
Dirk Hammer – Wait, Dirk Hammer? Seriously? That’s his name?
 
Finnegan Wakefield – Former world champion. Missed last year’s event and is pretty upset about it. More upset about it than he is about the fact I crushed his windpipe last year. Huh, weird. Spent a good amount of time chained to him via dog collars and had a lot of fun. Very aggressive when backed into a corner and probably the best technician OWA has to offer. Not a high priority target as he’s been removed from my list, but it’s always nice to make someone’s day miserable. Don’t let him drop you on your head onto a chair this time, you almost broke your neck last time you fucking idiot.
 
Havoc – The only person in this match who’s a true threat. Formerly known as Christopher Sabertooth, has since become something much cooler. Picked a fight with me a few weeks ago. I admire the initiative. Could be fun to have a scrap with. Has an ungodly level of endurance and is aesthetically pleasing enough to put on a Hot Topic exclusive shirt, he has that kind of potential. However, he did lose to CM Nas and that’s disappointing because holy shit I cannot stand that man and now he’s in ANOTHER world title match and I’m starting to ramble. In summation, fuck CM Nas and try not to hurt Havoc too much because he might turn out to be a good friend down the line.
 
Hayden Cross – Le whacky man.
 
Jahseh Jett – Another new guy with a weird name. Where are we finding these people?
 
Jeff X – My best friend.
 
Jesus Christ – The Son of God himself. The single biggest threat to me in this match. I know I said that about Havoc but I was lying. I am the Devil. He is Jesus. The battle between us has been awaited for thousands of years. The Clash is the time and the place. The sinners will all line up and bear witness. Angels on one side, demons on the other, all gathered for the grand battle. His weakness? Two pieces of wood arranged in a T shape and a few nails. Note: visit Home Depot before the match.
 
Kevin Maverick – A high-flying showman with strong support. Has been garnering traction on Olympus and is a darkhorse for this match. Will no doubt pull out various feats of athleticism and flashy offence to make his mark. Unfortunately, this makes him a rather obvious target for just about everyone else in the match. He won’t survive if I have anything to say about it.
 
Kyle – So high that I don’t even know if he knows he’s in this match. Do not underestimate, his blood is practically pure THC and there is nothing more dangerous than a stoner who doesn’t know where he is. What if he thinks I’m a giant bag of chips? He’ll try to eat me and then we’re really up shit creek without a paddle. Best to comfort him and let him know he’s going to be alright. Once he’s at ease, take his head off and throw him out of the ring and hope he’s able to make it to Taco Bell before it closes.
 
Layne Kurobane – One of the favourites to win the whole thing. Former Spartan Champion and Roxy’s Senpai. Scott Oasis really doesn’t want him to win this one and has put just about every barrier there is in his way. I would feel sorry for him but why would I? The kid had his shot at the world title a year ago at this very event and failed, he’ll fail again. Came to blows at Final Destination last year and he got pinned by Jeff. Now it’s my turn to put him in his place. If he wins this match, then they might as well shut the company down. The guy makes me look big and I claimed to be 240 lbs at one point just to get over my insecurities.
 
Maverick – I, what? Didn’t I already do this one- oh, oh there’s two people called Maverick on Olympus. That’s confusing. Apparently, this kid’s pretty good. Got a couple of wins under his belt and people like him. Good for you, Maverick. Shame I’m gonna have to knock his teeth out for picking that name.
 
Moongoose McQueen – Current God of War. A little strange. Have faced before, he didn’t do very well. Could potentially end up facing Kenny Drake if Kenny can get past Keelan. Not entirely sure who I’d even root for in that match…I guess Kenny because at least he had the courtesy to kill me in an attempt to get me off of this fucking rock. He doesn’t really have a weakness but then he doesn’t have any strengths either so it’s a fair trade. Maybe throw a flashbang at him or something, see where it gets me.
 
Nate Cage – Bit of a loose cannon but all round a nice guy. Has certainly had his issues with me in the past but I think we’re over that now. Seems to have a weird obsession with picking off world champions despite never having held a world title himself. What exactly is his endgame? Pick off literally everybody so that he’s the only person left to hold a belt? Just a one-person promotion with him as champ, wrestling a broom every night. Actually, that sounds kind of fun, let’s do it.
 
Nobi – Seems innocent but don’t fuck with him once the clock hits 8pm. Weakness? Kicking him in the dick seemed to work last year so let’s try that again.
 
Reginald Dampshaw III – Current Spartan Champio- why the fuck has everyone held the Spartan Title except for me? I mean seriously, I was in the first ever match for that fucking belt, I was in the first ever Final Destination match in contention for that belt, cut me some damn slack. I just wanna hold it one fucking time and now it’s on this mad cunt? Come the fuck on. You know what? I’m gonna slap the shit out of him just for the disrespect of holding that title before me. There’s only room for one offbeat Brit in this company and it ain’t gonna be him.
 
Scott Oasis – An old foe who has a lot of pull these days. In fact, he signs my checks now. Huh. Faced off in 2018 and beat the living fuck out of each other. Won the world title at last year’s event and seems to be in this match because he really fucking hates Layne Kurobane. Weakness is that he’s a fucking idiot who has about as much self-awareness an autistic kid. Maybe he’s on the spectrum? Okay, after throwing him out of the match and avenging that loss at Vindication, convince him to get tested for ASD. He also rapped along to a song that featured the N-word and didn’t censor himself and as a proud Civil Rights activist, I take offence to that. The white man must be stopped at all costs.
 
The Udy – The deadliest person in this whole match, do not engage at any cost.

So, it all comes down to this, huh?
 
Natalie Cage sits in front of a collage, highlighting her last year. All of her title defences and key matches since Final Destination are accounted for. Most prominent in the collage is a picture of herself and Dulce Torres.

 
At Final Destination, every single title in this company changed hands. One by one…they fell. Kevin Maverick, Dollhouse, Maggall, Jeff, Tarah, Aria…Dulce.
 
Everyone who walked out of that show with a title has since lost their prize. Everyone except me. Natalie Cage, the one constant. Almost 300 days with the top prize. The longest reign of any champion in the history of OWA. An era of dominance so all-encompassing, that there is one person left to step up to the plate. And I don’t say this lightly, but you’re by far my biggest threat, Dulce.
 
You were the first person to pin me. And we can get bogged down with the details of how that match ended and how I got screwed over, but who gives a shit at this point? Facts are facts, you beat me, and I had to do some re-evaluating. I found my way back into title contention and I did just that. Clash of the Titans is my event. It’s the show where I began my climb to the title that sits over my shoulder. And who was the runner-up? Who was the last person I threw to the ground to secure my shot? It’s you, Dulce.
 
Yeah, it seems our fates are intertwined. Like we were always destined to come to this point. We both left Final Destination with gold and found out just who the better woman was at the draft show. At our peaks, I walked away with my hands up. The little green girl you put away had become a woman. A woman who got the spot that was meant for you.
 
I’m not gonna lie, Dulce. I’m not gonna insult your intelligence. Everything I got was supposed to be yours. If we lined everyone on this roster up and asked the average person to pick the face of it, I guarantee it’d be you nine times out of then. You’re athletic, beautiful, everyone loves you and you have a warrior spirit. Me? I’m a dirty, rough, vindictive British cow. And you’re right, I did hitch myself to the Wolvesden bandwagon. I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, and I’ve stole. I’ve done some scummy shit and I’ve let people down and you know what? I’d do it all again every fucking time. We’re not the same, Dulce. I get it, you wanna do things your way and I wanna do them mine and look where it got me. Do I love the fame, the adoration and the money? You’re damn fucking right I do. The last year has been the best time of my life and the whole time, I’ve been keeping a close eye on you. I’ve been looking at you and asking myself why the fuck you’re not constantly nipping at my heels? Why have lesser contenders got the opportunities you have?
 
I think it’s lack of initiative. I think part of you likes being Goddesses Champion and never going beyond that. I’ve said some disparaging things about that title, and you seem to have taken them personally. Calm down love, all’s fair in love and war. Everything I can do and say to get under your skin, I’ll do. What you did with that strap I respect. Everyone else who’s held it hasn’t been able to do what you did. Nikita and Roni couldn’t keep a grip on it, verdict’s still out on April. We mirror each other. My prize has also been too rich for people to handle. You look at the line-up of former Women’s World Champions and you see quitters, hasbeens and nobodies. Then there’s me. The exception to the rule who’s been nothing but consistent. Was I the most honest champion? No. But it’s kill or be killed and if there’s one person I was true to, it was me. I’ve never done anything that’s a betrayal of who I am and the same can be said for you. We’re the only people in this company who aren’t hypocrites.
 
The fact this is your first world title shot is bullshit. Let’s call a spade a spade. And look, I wanted to give you your chance, but the stars didn’t align. I had my shit to do and you had yours. But now you’ve been backed into a corner. You can’t go for the Goddesses Title again, that’d be taking the piss. It’s do or die. If you don’t get my strap, what have you got waiting for you? When I said only you can get the job done, I meant it in every way you can imagine. You’re the only person here who can stop me and you’re the only person who can scratch my itch for legit competition. I respect you, I respect that you’ve worked your arse off and been here since day one. You never took an extended break because you lost one match - like a fair few of my challengers did - and you did it your way, no one else’s. I have to recognise that. I have to put my hands up and admit you deserve to be here.
 
But that doesn’t mean I’m standing by. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you walk right through me and take what I’ve built. I haven’t reshaped Odyssey in my image to lay down for every Tom, Dick and Harry who walks into my castle. You wanna be top dog? You’ve gotta earn that shit and you’ve gotta have the right mentality. When I drove you headfirst through that table at the contract signing, I was trying to prepare you for what’s to come. You’ve been on the cusp of breaking through for so long and one day, one day you’ll get there. Thing is, when you are on top, everyone’s gunning for you. There’s a target on your back and the reward for taking you out is as rich as it gets. You have to live with eyes in the back of your head and that’s how I’ve spent the last 300 days. People claim I’m paranoid, but I’m just smart. I’ve survived as long as I have by being cautious, looking over my shoulder and not trusting a single soul. You thought you had a friend, huh? You thought you were walking into the Clash against a respectful peer?
 
Nu-uh.
 
When it’s crunch time, I will switch on the Natalie Cage that you don’t wanna know. In a world where we’re not on this collision course, Dulce, we’re probably grabbing a beer at the pub and shooting the shit. But that’s not how this goes. We’re enemies right now, that’s reality. We’re not opponents, we’re not even rivals, we’re just flat out enemies. When I look at your face right now, all I see is someone who has to be taken out. You’re a threat to my status quo and I can’t let you succeed. Don’t take it personally. I fully believe that you’re the only person in this company who can accomplish what I have, but the fact is I got here first and you took your sweet time. I get it, you wanted to do it your way. You wanted to make a legacy. I can respect that. Hell, I applaud it. We’re very different people and we took oh so very different paths. I don’t know what awaits you once I add you to the list of people to fall, but what awaits me is cracking that one-year mark and continuing to be the very best in the game.
 
Every time we’ve come to blows since last year, I’ve come out on top. I don’t know what that says in regard to who’s better, but I know exactly what it says in regards to who has the advantage right now. You’ve never beat me at my best. You beat a child who didn’t know a wristlock from a wristwatch. You beat a little girl who was in way over her head and had no business challenging for titles. Now? Now, you’re looking at the complete package. You’re looking at a mauler who’s got a trail of bodies behind her that stretches longer than the Trail of Tears. I’m going to walk out in your home state, in front of a stadium packed with your most devoted fans, and I’m going to put them into a deafening silence. It’s gonna be an uncomfortable sight, for sure. The hero they all believed in, losing when it matters most. I look at you and I see someone who’s war-torn. The time you spent as Goddesses Champion took its toll on you. You just kept getting challenger after challenger thrown at you until you could no longer continue, and you have my sympathies. There’s no such problem with me, though. I’ve never felt better. I’ve never felt more ready to march into war and take my pound of flesh. The list of bodies I’ve caught reads like a Hall of Fame ballot. World champions, long-time veterans, beloved fan favourites, it was the same story with all of them.
 
I wanna know, Dulce, what makes you different? What are you going to do to set yourself apart? I’ve heaped a lot of praise onto you but it’s your turn to step up to the plate and prove me right. They’ve tried to beat me with weapons and technique. They’ve tried to beat me in multi-person matches. Every possible strategy falls apart when the Natalie Cage Show begins. People think they’ve got me figured out and then they step into that ring and they flake. Everything they’ve meticulously put together in their heads means nothing. They start to panic. They’re thinking “oh shit, nothing’s working, she won’t go away, what do I do?”
 
BAM!
 
I crack their skull wide open and they drop to the ground like a redwood. They hit the mat with a thud and I shove my boot in their face, reminding them that there’s only room for one king at the top of the heap. I didn’t take the head off every bitch in this division to stand down just because you’ve got the people behind you. They were all behind me at one point and I realised that I’m just not meant to be that person. Stop placing the weight of the world on your shoulders. Stop telling yourself that you have this great destiny to relieve me of my title. The more you delude yourself into thinking you’re the conquering hero of this story, the worse your chances get. This isn’t a grand Greek narrative. This is two human beings in combat, and there is nobody in the world who thrives in that situation more than I do. I’ve seen everything you have for me, took it all and walked out victorious. You think you have a sporting chance because you’ve put me away before but I’m about to bring a level of violence, intensity and malice that is so twisted, it almost gives me second thoughts.
 
Trust me, Dulce, I don’t WANT to beat you into dust and continue my reign. I HAVE to. Because if I don’t, the balance I’ve created is thrown out of proportion. I’m doing this for your own good. You’re too fragile to be on the top of everyone’s hitlist. I saw what holding the Goddesses Title did to you. By the time you had that last match with Roni, you were a shell of your former self. Because I don’t believe for one second that Dulce Torres at her peak would lose to anyone other than me. I’m keeping my belt and protecting you in the process. You don’t want the level of hell that comes with this job. But I’ll gladly give you a taste to convince you to reconsider. Like I said, you’ll end up in this spot one day…but I will not be the one who gets taken out to let it happen.

(GRAPHIC: OWA Digital Media Exclusive.)

(We cut to the interior of the Hotel Contessa in San Antonio, Texas. Coming up the elevator all the way to the top floor is none other than Cori Simmons and her trusty cameraman. The two step out of the elevator and go down the hall with a note in hand looking for a specific door.)

Cori Simmons: Hey you guys, it’s Cori here with an OWA.com exclusive interview! We’re currently on our way to the suite of OWA COO and Clash of the Titans competitor - Scott Oasis! Now Oasis arrived to Texas ahead of several of the stars on our roster to handle media day events and set up preparations for the big event, however we heard he has decided to take this afternoon off to relax and get his mind right. We’re hoping during this downtime that we can perhaps get an interview with him and get his thoughts on the big Clash bout! His door should be riigggghhhhttttt…..

(Cori Simmons takes a few more steps before stopping at the suite door right at the end of the hall.)

Cori Simmons: ...HERE! I can hear him in there so it looks like the rumors were true! Now to just knock and see if he’s got but a few minutes:

(Cori Simmons knocks on the door but the banging seems to fall on deaf ears as we hear ecstatic sounds of chatter going on in the room.)

Cori Simmons: I suppose I should try again --

“EEE-ER.”

“EEE-ER.”

(Cori Simmons is puzzled as she leans in closely to listen in on the door.)

Cori Simmons: What the --

(Cori Simmons leans in even more, accidentally opening the unlocked door and stepping into a surprising scene.)



♩Pullin' out the coupe at the lot
Told 'em "Fuck 12, fuck SWAT
Bustin' all the bales out the box
I just hit a lick with the box
Had to put the stick in a box, mm
Pour up the whole damn seal, I'ma get lazzzyyyy
I got the mojo-deals, we been trappin' like the '80's
She sucked a nigga soul, got the Cash App
Told 'em wipe a nigga nose, say slatt, slatt
I won't never sell my soul, and I can back that
And I really wanna know, where you at, at?♩

(Scott Oasis’s expensive luxury suite has practically turned into a mosh pit as he is entertaining a crowd of party-goers, holding his Big Oasis Boombox:tm: in the air while clearly inebriated. Oasis continues to vibe out to the music while tuning out Cori while she enters the room, even starting to sing along.)

Scott Oasis: Got a bitch that's looking like Aaliyah, she a model….

Cori Simmons: Uh, Mr. Oasis?

Scott Oasis: I got the pink slip, all my whips is key-less!

Cori Simmons: …..Mr. Oassissss!

Scott Oasis: Patek like the sea…..

Cori Simmons: MISTER OASIS!

(Scott Oasis finally snaps out of it and turns down the  Big Oasis Boombox:tm: and turns to Cori.)

Scott Oasis: Haha, Cori, it’s nice to see you! What’s up, you wanna join in on the party?

Cori Simmons: Mr. Oasis, what exactly is this?

Scott Oasis: I’m doing business right now! Networking with several of San Antonio’s finest and getting some deals done! We got radio hosts here, community organization leaders, we got the owner of the AlamoDome here looking to see what OWA is about so we can work out an exclusive contract! Hell, we even got --

(Scott trails off as all of a sudden mayor of San Antonio, Ron Nirenberg stumbles into the scene, sniffling, sweating and sporting a nervous grin.)

Scott Oasis: Ron, my man! I was just about to start talking about you! Tell Cori about how happy you are to have OWA in your city! Let her know about the plans for us to visit again!

Ron Nirenberg: (sniffs) Yeah, Scott! It’s an absolutely privilege to have Omega Wrestling Alliance here in San Antonio! Your presence has done wonders for our city and has brought in tons of traffic and tourism! (sniffs) Businesses are benefiting, are visibility is going up; it’s all great! We definitely want to explore doing another San Antonio event within the year given how successful this week already is! But to sweeten the deal Scott, do you know where you keep your…..candy?

Scott Oasis: Candy? You talking….*sniffs*....candy? Head to the back and hit up my guy, ‘Los, he’s got the finest Columbian sweets money can buy. Knock first though, I think he’s got some company.

Ron Nirenberg: Much thanks, Scott! Again, it’s pleasure to have you in our city!

(Ron runs off to go satisfy his “sweet tooth” as Oasis is left with Cori once again.)

Scott Oasis: Would you look at that!? Can you feel the magic in the air! It’s Clash of the Titans, baby! And the Big Oasis Brand is taking things to the next level with it this year! We’re bigger and badder than ever and we’re going to make sure we start 2020 off strong before heading into the new Superbowl of our sport - Final Destination! HA-HAAAA!!!

Cori Simmons: The “Big Oasis Brand” is indeed having a big week with OWA, which is actually why I wanted to talk with you. Not only are you handling a lot of business with your largest PPV to date, but you also will be returning to the ring for the first time in nearly eight months as you enter the Men’s Clash of the Titans match! Are you at all worried heading into the event? Usually before your matches we have to catch you in the gym, not a place….like this.

Scott Oasis: Why should I be sweating outside of the ring when I won’t be sweating inside of the ring, Cori? Running OWA and keeping things in check is far more of a worry for me than any of those young bucks in the gauntlet battle royal! Clash of the Titans is an event that has been extremely nice to me. It gave me my first World Championship reign in years and reminded the world of who I am as a competitor. Which by the way, you know who I defeated to do that? Layne Kurobane - the manlet that all of the dorks want to ride for to win The Clash. It feels like just yesterday I bounced that man’s body off the canvas with a Seek and Destroy, picked him back up, and PLANTED him into the mat again with a second Seek and Destroy. One, two, three - I beat him and left every betting man crying and going for broke. Beautiful moment. Wonderful time. And how did I follow that up with? Beating Moongoose McQueen’s ass to defend my championship, even after he threw out every trick in the book and turned our match into something straight out of Batman vs Joker! He had decoys of himself, hired thugs, traps set up and attempted murder plans ready to act out upon me and he STILL couldn’t get the job done! That’s two of the biggest favorites in the match whose numbers I have right there! 

And I know what you guys will say! The reign that started from the Clash was ended by Aria Jaxon, the original winner of the Kingdom and Olympus battle royal! Well me just tell you, if you think I’m scared of her either you can get the fuck out of here! I beat that broad from pillar to post that entire Final Destination main event! She was dying out here, and somehow by some one in a million miracle, she found a lifeline! And she held onto it with everything she had because she knew she had no other opportunity to beat me! You could see it in her face how desperate she was, how relieved when that match was over! She couldn’t beat me squaring up, she couldn’t pin me or get me up for any of her real maneuvers so she had to practically cheat the system, play dirty, and slap in a submission move. People think she’ll win this Clash and repeat her magic all over again for Final Destination 2, but how in the hell is she going to do that? You can’t tap someone out in a Clash match. And you can’t possibly think light brite can lift ME up and throw me outside of the ring in a final two scenario! She could throw out Finnegan Wakefield maybe, but a genetically jacked, grown man such as myself? You’d have had to be inhaling some of the fumes from those C4’s she fell in at Hardcore Havoc to be that braindead. 

That’s three so called front runners, none of them really worth me getting to 100% for. Arguably not even 75%, if we’re being honest. Who else we got? Jeff X? I respect him, he reminds me a lot of myself actually. But he still isn’t ready to surpass the OG just yet! Plus, as RD3 showed him back in December, he needs to think of laying off the sauce before he can carry on further with his career. On the topic of people who remind me of myself, I feel same ways towards The Derelict - another talent I can say seems like a son of mine, birthed from the lane I created in this business. You all can say otherwise but go back and review the tapes from 2014, 2015, 2016 -- I was doing Derelict’s shtick before Derelict was even a factor anywhere. I’m not taking anything away from the brute, he’s a smart guy, has an incredible in ring prowess and is an absolute monster of a man! He has all of the tools and all of the motivation in the world to be a success! But again, I put him in the same boat as Jeff, he’s yet another wrestler who has a rite of passage he’s gotta go through first. He has to pay the toll with the Gatekeeper of Pro Wrestling and that’s me! He’s long overdue to get his lumps! You see, everyone has to be humbled at some point and made to pay their dues the hard way. Through pain. Through defeat. It’s necessary for their growth and to get them into that next gear for them to be a big deal in the sport. You can’t go around thinking you’re unbeatable forever, eventually you have to be tested and made to up your game! So far, nobody has been big enough or strong enough to truly “test” Derelict yet. When this match was first announced there was nobody who had stats like him. The weight, the height, the wins - he was the biggest and most threatening man in the match. But when you throw me into the equation? Whole different ballgame. Now you have someone with equal stats to Derelict and more experience in the ring. More time to hone their abilities, to figure out how to make guys like him crumble just like that. You guys think Derelict is brutal? I’ve ended careers of men like him in minutes. I cut my teeth brutalizing the likes of Hades the Hellraiser and Kevin Devastation in my first matches. I know in contests like these people look at men like Derelict and say “JUST HOW WILL HE BE ELIMINATED!?” but I’ll tell you how. By getting knocked the fuck out the ring by The Iceman.

(Scott Oasis looks around at the party and looks rather tempted to hop back in.)

Scott Oasis: Who else we got? Who exactly should I be in the gym working for?

Cori Simmons: Well there’s Havoc, RG3, Kevin Maverick, Nate Cage ---

Scott Oasis: Cage!?....CAGEEE!? YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT KENNY DRAKE’S OLD BITCH BOY? MUSTACHE BOY WITH THE WIFE THAT GOT MORE TESTOSTERONE IN HER BODY THAN HE DOES? ‘OL BOY WHO IS 205 POUNDS ON A GOOD DAY BUT CALLS HIMSELF 235 SO HE CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF? THE MAN WHO WEARS A GAS MASK BECAUSE HE’S TOO EMBARRASSED TO SHOW HIS FACE AFTER GETTING LITERALLY MURDERED? ….CAGGEEEEE!?

Cori Simmons: That’s the one, yes.

Scott Oasis: As long as that man’s in this match you can strike him off the predictions. The day that man gets a win off me is the day I close this whole federation down! Maverick? Nah. RG3? He still gotta earn his stripes in the Spartan’s. Havoc, my protegee? Ok, now you’re talking. If I end up getting tired and he’s there by my side, I might just takeover and let him get the win on my behalf. He’s a deserving world champion, a true star that can help build the vision I have for OWA! But besides him and Carlos? As much as I love my roster, nuh-uh. Now is not the time for that. They’re not the ones who fit what OWA needs right now! Their time with the torch will come but I can’t let their grubby little paws anywhere near it until then! And like I said, it won’t take much effort to do so. You put any of them up against me and they’re getting creamed! Let me think of some other names we put in this match, I’ll run em down and compare em to me…...

Maverick: Bodied.
Arata: Bodied
Jahseh: Bodied.
Hayden: Bodied
Nobi: Bodied.
Jesus Christ: Crucified.

It’ll be light work taking care of them boys. I don’t know how you can see the list in this match and think I should be training for it like I would a World title main event? This is just another part of my job as COO. It’s a media run for me. The continuance of the campaign to take Omega Wrestling Alliance to greater heights! The Big Oasis Brand is unstoppable, and what you see before you right now can be seen as partying in advance for what’s to come this weekend!

(Scott Oasis turns back to the party-goers and yells out.)

Scott Oasis: We’re turning the music back the fuck up!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Scott turns the Big Oasis Boombox:tm: back up as the whole room goes back into being in a frenzy, effectively ending the interview.)

♩Pullin' out the coupe at the lot
Told 'em "Fuck 12, fuck SWAT"
Bustin' all the bales out the box
I just hit a lick with the box
Had to put the stick in a box, mm
Pour up the whole damn seal, I'ma get lazzzy♩

Cori Simmons: Well thank you for your time….Scott Oasis, ladies and gentlemen. This has been an OWA.com exclusive….

(Cori Simmons is grabbed by the hand and pulled into the party, eventually giving in and joining the festivities as we fade to black.)

30 competitors...

1 winner...

That’s what Clash of Titans is all about. 30 men have a same mission and that is to be the last man standing in the ring and becoming the winner of Clash of Titans. 30 men want to make their dreams come true in order to main event Final Destinations and becoming the next World Champion. 30 men have something in common and that is to be the best of the best. Everyone has their own dream. Everyone is fighting for what they believe in. Everyone believe they can be the winner of Clash of Titans. I understand it. I completely understand it. What I have to do is waiting the unknown challenges. What I have to do is preparing against the unknown challenges. What I have to do is battling against unknown challenges. I don’t know what kind of challenges will wait for me. Everyone is clueless about the outcome of the COT. The odds are against everyone. What I do know about COT is everyone will be fighting with their all to eliminate so many people as much as possible. COT isn’t an ordinary match, COT is an extraordinary match. Just like LEGIONS in battlefield, we’ll make that ring as a battlefield of our own to survive from this match and becoming the winner of COT this year. Only one man can make his dreams come true, and I’m planning to be that man.

I’m fully aware how much this match is for everyone. I’m fully aware how tough this match will be. No one wants to play a secondary role in this match. Everyone wants to be a star. So I hope you all understand this, this is my chance to step closer to a World Championship belt. I may have accomplished some things in the past but I still haven’t accomplished anything yet in OWA. Well, I only have 6 matches here so far but you’ll catch my drifts. I’m very determined to win this match. But above all else, I want to give something for every single OWA fans in the world. I want to make them proud of who I am. I want to prove it to them that I’m no longer a part-timer. I’m here as a full-timer and I’ll make their times worth with my presences. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a World Championship as my first title in OWA? That’s not easy to make that dream as a reality, but it’s not impossible either. We all have equal chances to win this match. Some of us asked the all the GMs from 2 different brands to be put into this match. Some of us might win a lottery to be put in this match. Some of us made a statement to insert our sel into this match. 

Personally, I was chosen as one of the participants by the officials. Why? I didn’t do anything. It seems they’ve always give me everything. I had 2 World title matches. I was a COT participant last year and I was in The Apollo and Artemis tournament. Is it because I’m an unofficial OWA Ambassador in medica circuits? You can say yes. That’s fine.Kevin Maverick also called me a part-timer last week, Jeff X said this is like my third or fourth attempt in OWA which he’s only technically right and technically wrong. You choose it which one you prefer, Jeffrey. And then The Derelict apparently have heard about me all this time. I’m flattered honestly. A’right, I’ll address them first. Kevin, I know you haven’t given your thoughts for this match and I want to say congratulations for beating me cleanly at Olympus. I did say it wouldn’t be easy and you got the job done and earning momentum for this match. Use it to your fullest and kick some asses in this match, bro. You can do it. But still, even though I respect you, I still want to win this match. Everyone does. Therefore, I’m sorry in advance but if I had to throw you out in order to win this match, I will do so, Kevin. I know you’ll understand this. Now Jeffrey my guy, how are you? I see you’re being so intense now. Is it because you’re trying to show your killer instinct? Don’t worry, man, you have it and you’re going to show it in this match. I’m sorry that I let you down by letting Hans Olsen betraying me but hey, I took the bastard down already and he’s out here now. Are you happy with that Jeff? Dude, I’d love to have a Wrestleworld exclusive contract but not everyone are there you know? You aren’t there either Jeff and people like you are a good example why I decided to sign a full-time contract here in OWA now. You’re a former Spartan Champion after all and you’re destined to go further my guy. The sky is unlimited after all. Maybe you’ll become the winner of Class this year? Who knows? You’re absolutely capable to win this. You’ve got this and I believe in you as much as I believe I can win this match. No offense but you’re in my way, so I have to push you away to win this match. Well, good luck Jeffrey and enjoy the beers before and after this match. You might need it. And Derelict, I’m honestly honored that you’ve heard of me before and you know what? I’ve been watching you and first off, you deserve to be the Openweight Champion and second you’re certainly a favourite to win this match. You’re not just a wrestler, you’re also a fighter. I mean for example, you beat both Layne Kurobane and Roxy at the same time even though they were working together against you for a while and not to mention, they are trained wrestlers and yet you still able to beat them both. You were also the guy that brought the victory for Olympus back in Civil War and I can understand why you want to be the Omega Heavyweight Championship because you absolutely deserve it. 101% my guy. This is like an American Dream story for you, Derelict and I’m sure you’re eager to make it come true and living the dream. I don’t know how tough I am but I’d like to think I’m capable to push you to your limits. I’d like to think I’m capable to go toe to toe against you. If you want a straight-up fight, I can give it to you. We both are brawlers. Let’s see if we get a chance to share in the ring and I’ll make sure to give you strong haymakers. Can’t wait for it, Derelict.

Pretty much like Kevin Maverick, these 3 guys haven’t spoken their thoughts yet but I really want to address them so bad as I never really got a chance to address them until now. First guy, Moongoose McQueen. First off, I’m sorry for what Lioncross did to you at COT last year but he’s my friend and you know what? So are you. It was better for me to stay away from it anyway. One is my Stuffed Crust friend and one is my KAIJU brother. Yes McQueen, you heard it right that I’m calling you a Brother. An Older Brother to be more clear and more honest. Congrats for winning the God of War anyway and you’re a favourite to win this match too you know? But please understand me McQueen my Older Brother, you have a world title match lock-in and I won’t blame you if you want to win this match as well, but this match means a lot to me and if I had to slap my own older brother then I certainly will. I know you won’t afraid of it though and no need to hold your back against your little brother. Second guy, I mentioned you earlier Layne Kurobane but let me address you properly. You see, back in the Wrestleworld EpiCenter when you were a guest, you said it yourself that you like my fighting spirit and you’d rather face me here in OWA rather than in Wrestleworld, You know what? It seems like you saw it coming that I’d return here and oh my, I’m so happy we both are on Olympus but I’m even more exited to be in this match with you. There’s no guaranteed that we’d trade shots in this match but I certainly want to do it with you if we get a chance for it. You’re a former Spartan and TV Champion after all. You’re so adaptive and always able to change your wrestling style in ease. You certainly a favourite to win this match and everyone are not wrong with that. You know, you wanted a redemptions in wrestling business by signing with OWA 2 years ago. Well, it’s not that I ever had a problem with you but you’re certainly forgiven and now you’re on the right path. Becoming the winner of this match can be your way to get your redemptions. I don’t know what you think about this but as I said, you’ve been forgiven so I apologize in advance if I’m the one who becomes the winner of this match instead. This is my own version of Redemptions as I have left wrestling business for a while and I’m going to make this up by winning this match. And last but not least, the Devil himself: Nate Cage. Dude, how could I forgot you? You kicked me in the crouch last year and it’s a popular meme now, haha. I don’t hold a grudge against it though and I certainly wouldn’t judge you either whether you convinced Hans to betray me or not. But you see Cage, you’re truly becoming too unstable right now. You’re acting like a monster now and you certainly are. You’re not a favourite to win this match but you’re obviously one of the strong contenders to win it. I can acknowledged that but I don’t think I’d be the one that willing to fight you. Everyone does. You’re arguably the most hated man in this match and you’re certainly a walking target. As I said, I don’t hold a grudge against you and I’m just giving a fair warning.

I know I’m capable to win this and I know how hungry you all are. But you know what? I’m looking forward to battle all of you and eliminating some of you until I become the last man standing in this match. Be it a Hall of Famer or some hothead rookies, you all are no different to me. Everyone who’s standing on my way, will have to prepare their self to get their ass kicked. I’m not joking. I believe in myself I can win this match. You can try to overlooked me, underestimating me, whatever. You do what you want to do and I do what I want to do, very simple. I hope you all realize, I’m going to make some waves and some statements in this match. I hope none of you prepared some tricky tricks, because if you do, you can’t call yourself a true winner. Just like every other matches I’ve been in,. I’m going to make sure, I’ll win this match with dignity, honesty, and integrity. If you lose your dignity, you will also lose your identity, your sensitivity, and your dignity. Integrity is honesty, modesty, and security in any circumstances. It should be our priority as world class athletes. We all are professionals wrestlers, I hope you all can be professionals. If you don’t, you don’t even have the rights to call yourself “professionals wrestlers”. I’ll just keep training hard as much as possible if I lose this match. I’m even willing to shake the winner’s hand in the backstage. But if I win, I just want you to understand that I’m just the best man in this match. Therefore, let’s prepare ourselves to this battlefield, because I’m ready to conquer the world.